SLOW BURN

33. pretty sure

It's the reason I don't want to lead her into thinking there can be something between us. We've gone on a few dates but it's nothing serious. I've done a lot of soul searching to see if my feelings for her are still there. I think part of me wants to feel that way about her again in an attempt to forget Natalie. I know Cassie would be the ideal person to start a life with. We have history. We're both ready to settle down. We're on the same page. I just don't want to be with her when Natalie is still very much present in my head and in my heart. It wouldn't be right. But I'm trying.

"Remember the last night we were together?" Cassie asks as we walk. "It was a night like today. There were no stars in the sky," she says looking up.

"Very poetic," I say with a smile.

She looks at me and smiles back. "Our time together was quite poetic, wouldn't you agree?"

"It was definitely special." I tell her looking down at my feet as we walk.

"Did you ever think of me?" She asks me.

"I did," I say in honesty. "I wondered many times why I didn't ask you for some form of contact."

She laughs. "I know. It made sense to part ways the way we did back then...but the more days passed, the more I wished we would have stayed in contact." She pauses then looks at me. "Then you wouldn't be so indifferent like you are now."

"I'm sorry, Cassie," I say apologetically. "It's not that what I felt for you then wasn't real. It's just that a lot of time and things have passed since."

I try not to think about how different it was with Natalie. With her, eight years of misfortune and fortunate events didn't take her out my mind. I would always wonder about her at random times during the day. I wondered how she was doing, if she was okay. I've loved her since then. I just didn't want to accept the seriousness of my feelings.

"I know," she says. "We both thought we were never going to see each other again...but here we are."

"Here we are." I echo lost in thought.

She doesn't say anything else and neither do I.
We walk in silence for a couple more minutes before walking back to the party.

"Hey! Josh!" Crystal calls when she sees me. "Come! Have a beer!" She yells over the music waving a beer in her hand.

"Wow, she looks really wasted," Cassie says as we approach her

"It is her birthday," I say feeling a little defensive. Crystal has been really kind to me. We've become good friends and work well together. She deserves to loosen up a bit. She's always working hard.

"Hey," I say when we reach her.

"Here," she says giving me a beer. "One for you and one for you," she says in a sing-along voice as she gives one to Cassie.

"Thanks," I say opening it. I think I actually do need a drink.

Natalie walks out of the house then. She swings her hips to the rhythm of the music. Jesus. She looks so sexy. She trips as she's walking down the porch steps and I reach out and put my arm around her bare waist. She gasps as her eyes meet mine, they're a bit hazy. "You alright?" I ask her, not wanting to let her go.

She giggles. "Yeah. Sorry. I think I tripped."

I chuckle. "That you did."

She straightens up and I let my hand drop. Then she smiles at me. "Dance with me."

"Uh-I can't really dance." I chuckle nervously.

"I doubt that," she says with a smile. Then she grabs my hand and pulls me to the dance floor. "Come on."