amnesia • zdh

i didn't mean to

Zach's pov: It's been a year today. A year. I haven't gotten out of bed. I haven't answered my phone. I locked my door last night so the boys wouldn't be able to come in.

I just want to be left alone. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to eat.

There was a knock at my door and I just sighed.

"Go away." I wanted to say, but I said nothing.

"Zach." Daniel said from the other side of the door.

"Please open up." Corbyn said.

"Look we know what today means to you, but come on bro open up." Jonah said.

All the boys must be outside the door.

I know that they are just worried about me, but I want to be left alone.

"There's someone here to see you." Jack said.

Who? Who would come see me on a day like this? Why? Why would they come see me today of all days?

"Zach, please come out." A very familiar voice said.

Clarke.

What is she doing here?

I slowly got out of bed and walked to my bedroom door. I unlocked the door and opened it slightly to see Clarke and all the boys.

"Hey." Clarke said softly.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"You haven't answered any of my messages, I wanted to make sure you were okay." She said.

"I'm fine." I said.

"Can I come in?" She asked.

I sighed and opened my door all the way.

She smiled softly, before stepping inside my room.

I looked at the boys.

"Uh we're going downstairs, get ready to leave cause we're heading out for lunch." Jonah said.

I nodded, and watched them leave.

I turned back to Clarke to see her looking around my room.

"Sorry, my room isn't really anything special." I said.

She looked back at me and shook her head.

"I like it." She said.

"So why did you really come here?" I asked.

"I already told you why." She said.

I raised my eyebrow.

"I don't buy it." I said crossing my arms.

"Why not?" She asked.

"I don't know, I just don't." I said.

"Look Zach, I care about you a lot and wanted to make sure you were okay," She said. "Especially since today is a year since..."

She let her voice trail off and she looked down.

"I don't need you here." I said, feeling annoyed.

She looked back up at me with hurt in her eyes.

"Bullshit, you don't care about me!" I exclaimed.

"Zach, that's not true." She said.

"Well guess what I don't need you!" I exclaimed.

"As a matter of fact leave because I don't like you." I said quickly.

"You don't mean that." She said.

I chuckled coldly.

"Yes, I do." I said coldly.

"I hate you!" I yelled. "Leave!"

Clarke has tears falling from her eyes and my face softened when I realized that I took all my anger out on her.

"Goodbye, Zach." Clarke said before she ran out of my room.

I wanted to run after her and apologize, but I couldn't. I felt like I was frozen. I couldn't move or talk. I felt so ashamed for yelling at Clarke when all she was trying to do was help.

I heard the front door slam shut and footsteps run up the stairs.

"Why were you screaming at Clarke?" Jonah asked.

I shook my head and walked to my bed and sat down.

"Was that really necessary?" Corbyn asked.

I didn't say anything. I knew they were disappointed in me.

"That poor girl was crying so hard when she came downstairs." Jonah said shaking his head.

I looked at them noticing Daniel wasn't with them. Corbyn must have noticed that I was confused on where Daniel was.

"We didn't want her to drive by herself so we had Daniel drive her home." Corbyn explained.

I just nodded.

Jonah sighed.

"Get changed, we're going to eat." Jonah said before leaving the room.

Corbyn frowned before following Jonah out of my room.

Jack just stood there staring at me. He hadn't said anything this entire time. I knew he was disappointed in me.

Jack came and sat down beside me. He put his arm around me and sighed.

"Look, I know you miss E, but don't take it out on yourself or anyone else for that matter." Jack said.

"I just miss her so much." I said barely above a whisper.

"I know, you do." He said.

"It hurts so damn much." I said feeling a tear roll down my face.

"I know, but that doesn't give you the right to yell at Clarke like you did." He said.

"I didn't mean to." I said.

"Get changed." He said patting my back.

He stood up then left my room.

***

We ended up going to a sub shop and the boys ordered me the sub I usually order.

I sat down at a table alone and put my head down sighing.

"Here's your sub." Corbyn said.

I looked up at him and shook my head, but took the sub anyways.

Corbyn sat down across from me and unwrapped his sub then took a bite into it.

I just looked at my sub then sent it down.

"You have to eat." Corbyn said with his mouthful.

"I'm not hungry." I said.

"Please eat." He said.

I sighed then nodded before unwrapping my sub.

"Thank you." He said once I took a bite of my sub.

I gave him a weak smile back.