My Tearsoaked Heart

My Tearsoaked Heart *{3}*

"You would have to ask the medical team on their condition." he said unconcerned and I just wanted to unleash a punch to his jaw. Before I could turn him around to face me and carry out my plan, Nick placed his hands on my shoulders, "Don't. We have better things to worry about." He whispered before quickly leading me towards one of the ambulance vans. 

One of the nurses said that they were in critical condition and needed to go to the hospital as fast as possible. She allowed me to stay in one of the vans since I was related though Nick had to drive himself there and he agreed without arguing. I chose to drive with Kelly; she would need me the most since she was so small. I opened the van doors slowly and stepped in, closing it behind me.

I turned around to meet her limp body, covered in scratches and blood wounds. Her usual black hair was messy and tangled, and tubes and cables connected with her skin.

She was lying in an emergency bed with white bed sheets covered poorly over her.

I moved to the right side of the wheelie bed and lightly pulled the sheet to her neck, "Hey Kels." I choked, trying with all my will not to cry. 

The ambulance suddenly sped forward, sirens running as the van drove towards presumably the hospital.

I sat down on a silver bench next to her and held her hand with both of mine tightly. "I'm right here with you and if you can hear me, squeeze my hand." I whispered, waiting for any kind of response and when I got nothing in return I couldn't stop the escaping tears that flowed down my cheeks.

"It's okay. You're going to be fine, I promise." Not knowing if I was assuring myself or her.

Her pulse in her wrist was slowing and my eyes widened.

I grasped onto her hand like it was the only thing keeping myself here. If she let go then I would be gone too. "Come on Kels, squeeze my hand." I encouraged her in a whisper though it came out more like a struggled cough, "Please." I begged. Nothing. The pulse gradually slowed until I couldn't locate the pulse in her wrist and my heart was sliced into a million pieces. She was already gone, leaving me here to fight for myself. She was gone. My little sister that I used to play dress ups and have tea parties with was gone. I cried so hard that I never knew how much crying could hurt, though it wasn't my eyes that stung with pain. It was my heart.

I sat on a white leather bench outside the emergency rooms, preparing for more pain to hit me like a meteoroid from space. I hunched over, head in hands, crying silently to myself. This is all my fault. If I had just agreed to go with them then they would of have had to wait an extra 15 minutes for me to get ready. We would all be at Nick's house having a great time catching up and now Kelly will never get to meet Nick. She will never get to go to middle school, high school, collage. Never get a boyfriend, never get married and have kids. She'll never get to do anything because she's dead. Because of me. It was all my fault. And with that I let the guilt rip me apart, leaving me breathless and choking for dear life.

I was starting to fall into a darkness that couldn't be lightened. I was starting to have pains that I never thought imaginable. I was starting to die and the thing was that I wanted to, I wanted it so badly, so I could join Kelly where ever she was. I deserved to be taken off this earth.

"Rose?!" I heard a voice try to enter the darkness of my mind and I pushed it away, wanting to face this pain alone. I owed Kelly that much.

"ROSE?!" The voice screamed into my ears and I worked hard to ignore it.

"ROSE?! SNAP OUT OF IT!" The person was shaking my violently back and forth.

I slowly opened my eyes, the sudden light blurring my vision until it focused on a figure crouching in front of me, grasping my shoulders tightly.