Panda's diary

XVII

14/02/20XXI

Have been away for sometime by now.... I have been quite busy with school and all that bullshit...

I have been feeling like writing something for awhile but I never managed to get the time to do it.
But here I finally am, not dead yet!

Things are working out...I guess ? I've been feeling better lately, which scares me a bit, cause I'm not used to this and I'm always afraid that something will happen...
Hopefully not...

I don't really know how to feel, I want to enjoy this moment of happiness and mental stability while it's here, cause I don't have a depression "attack" for long enough to make me feel uneasy about this, but at the same time I'm always like "okay but where is the point on enjoying this if eventually it all will be the same again...?"

I don't want to talk too much about it either, I'm afraid that demons can smell my mental stability from far away and that they'll come again to haunt me...
Please be away for as much time as you can...

I still feel a bit down sometimes and unmotivated for the things I like to do, but it's not as aggressive or as heavy as it was sometime ago... so please let it be this way for as long as possible...

Today in particular I'm feeling kinda anxious and I don't know why... nothing upset me, I'm okay with everyone, the day went good...
I really don't know what's happening...
I'm having a little anxiety attack... it's a little hard to breath and I have this weird sensation on my chest that I can't really describe what it is...
Maybe the fear of everything falling apart again ??

I don't know... but hopefully I can sleep...

(photo taken by me)