[discontinued] hiding my true identity - k.h

Performances And Koala Hugs

Suzu/Suzanne's POV

[Edited]

"M-Mom has... C-Cancer? Where? When? How? WHY?" I questioned. "In her lungs. I was just told. She smoked ever since you left like she smoked to die. Why? That's the question. Why was she influenced to do such a thing? Why is the princess, next in line for Queen of the UK, smoking like she doesn't want to exist anymore?" She answered.

"Oh my. T-This is all my fault, isn't it?" I stuttered, almost completely drenched in tears. "No, dear. Don't tell yourself that." She spoke.

"When do you want me to be there? As soon as possible? The semester is about to end soon, would you like me to go in the summer?" I questioned.

"Whenever you can. There you go again, reading my mind." She joked. "It's what I do." I joked back, trying to lift my own emotions.

"Also, I found out that your parents never wanted to hurt you. They were under the influence of an anti depression drug. I told her it would be a bad idea to overdose." She spoke. "Oh, okay. That's a relief, I never really understood why they took so many of them." I answered.

"Oh, and your father had to go away on a small war. I don't recall you ever knowing your father was enrolled in the military." She spoke.

"By the way, Suzanne, people might be able to find out your location, now that I have found your phone number. Just please make sure that you protect yourself, just carry around a shotgun or pocket knife. I don't want anything to happen to you now that I found you." She added with concern.

"Oh. Uh, Granny, I have to go do homework. I'll call you tomorrow." I lied. "Okay, honey. I love you!" She squealed. "I love you too. I'll protect myself. Until tomorrow." I spoke, ending the call.

I threw my phone against the door, catching Haruhi's attention. I flipped over, my face dug into the black pillow. Haruhi was now in my room, seeing that I was having an existential crisis.

"FUCK MY LIFE. JUST FUCK IT. WHY DO I EVEN EXIST? I HAVE NO PURPOSE. I'M ONLY AN EMO FREAK THAT WATCHES TELEVISION PROGRAMS NO ONE IS EVEN INTERESTED IN. I CUT. I'VE THOUGHT OF SUICIDE MILLIONS OF TIMES. WHAT DO I GET IN RETURN? A DYING MOTHER. I SHOULD JUST DIE RIGHT NOW. I DON'T CARE ABOUT MY LIFE ANYMORE." I wailed into my pillow.

"Suzu... Don't say that! You have no idea where I would be right now if it weren't for you!" She exclaimed, already knowing what to say in these situations.

"SHUT UP! IF YOU KNEW WHAT I WANT TO DO, YOU WOULD JUST HUG ME! YOU KNOW I JUST WANT TO SELF HARM! I CRAVE IT! I NEED IT! PLEASE HARUHI,  GIVE ME A ROPE OR A SHARD OF GLASS OR SOME-" I cried, interrupted by a hand over my mouth.

"What are you THINKING?! Look, I don't know what happened, but I can't stand you being this way, or living without you. I would still be a geek with nothing to do but shut up and deal with life. You're literally EXACTLY like my mother, how she acts, even if you aren't her direct family." She answered.

"I'm sorry. I was overreacting. I guess we're both going to have deceased mothers, huh? All I'm going to have for family soon is you, Rin, and my probably-going-to-die father. I'll go to sleep on the couch. Good night." I spoke.

I walked out to a small bathroom and took off my contacts, putting them away next to my clear contacts.  I don't know why I have them, I just do.

I walked to the couch, finding a blanket already set there, as well as a note and my glasses. I put on my glasses and read.

Hey Suzu. I don't know what happened or why you are feeling this way, but realize that you're not alone. If you would like, you can tell me what happened. You said something about a dying mother and learning what it's like to be an orphan, right? It's okay if you don't want to tell me, but she IS my aunt, as well as royalty, so I would know soon anyway.