Adopted by Sam Golbach and Katrina Stuart

Going Back to old ways??

I was just tired. Tired of everything  that has happened in my life. 

"LIAR!" Corey yelled. Something my dad used to call me. No matter what he never believed me.

"Whatever, I thought being called a liar would be in my past by now, but no, looks like you've dug up one of my memories I had buried," I said with tears swelling in my eyes.

I just ran up to my room, and locked my door. I went over and sat down on my bed. I looked over and started thinking about what I used to do. The thing that I thought by moving out of that foster home, would stop. But nope. I felt like doing it. But I don't want to hurt Sam and Kat. I walked over to my bathroom. and got in my bottom cabinet. I got out my box, and pulled out the piece of silver that was stuck in between the two pieces of cardboard. I examined what I had done in the past.

"ALLY, Are you ok," I heard Colby ask from outside my bedroom door. 

I didn't answer. It started with One, then went to two, then three, then four. 'Screw it' I thought. the blade wasn't as sharp anymore. I Threw it across the bathroom and started crying. 

Then I heard the lock on my door switch. Then Colby ran in. I just curled up in a ball, and cried. I didn't want to think anymore. My thoughts would eventually kill me. 

Colby ran over and hugged me asking me why. Then he grabbed a towel and started to clean up the blood. 

Then Jake, Sam, and Corey came in. Jake was yelling at Corey, telling him that it was all his fault. I wanted to say that it wasn't, but should I lie, then what he said would be true. I didn't want to care, I was numbed. I missed this feeling. 

I just stood up because by now they were all yelling at Corey, and not really paying attention to me. So when I stood up and walked away, they didn't notice. Nobody ever does. I walked down stairs and started listening to music. I always listen to NF. I feel his words, and I feel like I understand what his music is saying. I clicked on Paralyzed. Exactly what I am in this moment of time. Paralyzed.

Feeling Paralyzed is like hurting inside, but not being able to control what your feeling. Something I had been feeling for a long time. It got to one of my favorite parts when he starts rapping. "Im paralyzed, I'm scared to live but I'm scared to die and if life is pain then I buried mine, a long time ago, but it's still alive and it's taking over me where am I? I wanna feel something, I'm numb inside. I don't feel nothing I wonder why. I'm in a race and life and time pass by. Look! I sit back and watch it hand in my pockets..." I started to rap out loud. I had it on repeat. My arm was still bleeding. 

Then I heard a loud crash up stairs, The only reason I knew it had to be loud was because I heard it even with my earbuds in, and my music turned all the way up. I stood up and ran up stairs. I walked in my room to see Corey laying on the ground with a bloody nose, and Jake and Colby both had blood on their fist. I looked in and walked over to Corey. I bent down and looked at Corey. I knew what had happened. It was all my fault like everything normally is. 

I walked over to Colby and asked him why.

"Because, I know that Jake wouldn't try to mess around with you," He said," and plus Corey was overstepping his boundaries."

"But you guys could've just talked to him," I said.

"No, he wanted to keep arguing with us," Colby replied.

I gave Colby a quick hug, then walked over and gave Jake one too. 

Sam and Aaron were both over helping Corey up, and I thought that Sam was supposed to be who protected me...