Every Last Piece

chapter twenty-one

The warm evening air sweeps into my lungs. Breathe. Whatever happens tonight is what's meant to be.

Holding up my dress so I don't trip, I go to the school doors. 5:58. I sit on a rock as flies buzz around me, probably attracted to the cucumber body spray Val drenched me in. I've only been in these heels for twenty minutes but my feet are already killing me, so I take them off and stretch my toes. I painted them to match my dress, and dotted them with stupid little sunflowers.

Images I try not to think of these days ooze through me. Like Carson holding my thighs back as I lay in his bed, my toes pointed in the air.

Ugh, so not the time to be thinking about sex. They always do that in movies, have people sleep together on prom night because it's supposed to be this magical thing. But I don't feel any magic at all. And I'm not sleeping with him again, at least not until I know I can trust him.

6:00.

Okay, he's not here. But he could be any minute.

6:07.

My eyes sting and my heart clenches. Please, please don't let me down.

6:15.

6:21.

6:28.

Every emotion in the book cycles through me; anxiety, sadness, hope, betrayal, hurt. It takes everything in me to keep it together. If I cry, it'll ruin the eyeshadow Val worked so hard on.

6:30.

Anger rockets to my head. Was he ever going to come, or are my feelings some sick joke to him? I text him and say: Don't even bother.

Pulse pounding, I storm over to the tent. The white canvas flaps in the breeze, and when I push inside, I'm surrounded by round tables and my classmates mingling in groups. Pop music plays from a stereo and a table of red punch is set up off to the side, where some teachers stand and talk.

In my heart, I knew he was never coming. I hoped anyway. This is on me.

Val breaks away from her group and rushes over to me. "Asshole bailed, didn't he?"

I hold up my phone. "Radio silence."

"He might still show."

"I don't want him to."

Val sighs. "You're not alone, Jill. My ex disappointed me too. I wanted to believe he was everything he made himself out to be, but he was just a cheating asshole in the end."

"But Carson wasn't like that. He was—" I laugh pathetically. "Wow, I can't believe I'm still making up excuses for him."

"Just 'cause Blue didn't cheat doesn't mean he's not garbage. From my position, it looks like he's still ditching you and making you feel horrible. Don't repeat my mistakes. Or your mom's."

"You're right. I won't cry for him. Can we just try to have fun?"

"Duh."

Arms linked, Val and I head to our table. Caterers show up and serve us chicken, potatoes, and salad. The gravy is really good. Carson would've loved it.

Stop. Don't think about him.

By the time dinner's done, I catch myself still watching the clock. There's no sign of Clarissa, or Shae, or Ethan, or any of the regular people he likes to snort coke with. The thought of him stuffing a bill up his nose instead of being with me right now makes my blood boil. All that bullshit he fed me about "changing" and "loving me" were just that: bullshit.

He said it was all he wanted, but he'll never see me in this dress. I guess it wasn't important to him after all.

When the sun goes down and darkness takes over the world, a disco ball lights up the inside of the tent with multi-hued beams, and the tables are moved aside to create a dancefloor. The music goes up. Everyone crowds the center, and Val doesn't need to drag me with her to dance—I go willingly.