Every Last Piece

chapter twenty-one

Only took him all day.

Me: Okay

Carson: Was it busy?

Me: Fine actually

It wasn't fine, but I'm not fighting with him over text. Mom had to help me and I was beyond pissed the whole time. He did end up calling to say he was sick, but he did it two hours after his shift was supposed to start.

Carson: I rented a tux... I feel so stupid in it lol

So he did remember prom. The flame burns brighter.

I'm not a hundred percent sure he's been using for the past week, but that's where my mind defaults now when I see him acting strange. But if he shows up clean tonight, maybe everything will be okay, and we'll dance like nothing happened the night my dad OD'd and—

Stop. You know better than this.

"Is it bad that I actually want him to show up, even though I know he might not?" I say to Val, as if outing my insanity will make me feel less crazy.

"I'd be surprised if you didn't have hope, but he is pretty flaky," Val says. "What're you gonna do if he does?"

"I don't know. Things will be fine with us, I guess."

"And if he doesn't?"

I pause. "That'll be it." I adjust my dress and quietly add, "It'll have to be."

Val's eyes, lined by a perfect wing liner and silver sparkles, flare at me. "You'll dump him for real?"

"Absolutely."

"Good. I'll hold you to that."

I told myself I wouldn't ask any questions, but Carson's vagueness is pissing me off. I text him again.

Me: Am I picking you up? What are we doing?

Carson: I can't have my girlfriend drive me around on prom night but I couldn't afford a car either. Can I just meet you there?

Girlfriend. Didn't he know what I meant when I said I didn't know what we are now?

Me: Sure. Where?

Carson: School doors, I'll be there at 6

Me: Okay

And that's it.

***

Val blasts the radio as we drive to school, windows rolled down, the wind blowing in our hair. I try to laugh at her jokes with her, but it's forced with the unknown outcome of tonight flicking me in the back of the head. I'm thankful Val isn't letting my dampened mood ruin hers, because her warm laughs and uplifted nature remind me there's so much more to life than Carson Blue.

She woos through the window at some of our classmates as we pull into the school's parking lot. It's rare to be here in the evening, but I like the feeling of finality it brings, seeing the shadows cast over the concrete and grass I've spent the last four years attending almost every day. People in their tuxes and dresses head toward a giant tent set up on the football field. The sun lowers into the horizon, leaving a pale-yellow glow atop the tent, and it's exactly how I pictured a Hull prom being: bland, yet it feels like home.

I park, and the clock reads 5:55 p.m. Val and I get out of the car.

"I have to go wait for Carson," I tell her. "Meet me inside?"

"Sure, but don't wait too long. Dinner's at seven." Val pulls a mini bottle of peach-flavored Smirnoff from her bra and takes a quick sip before she walks toward the tent, somehow still balanced on high heels in grass.