Like I'm Going To Lose You

Chapter Twelve:

"Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, 'I'm possible'!"

Audrey Hepburn

Aaron's Viewpoint:

Hearing those words from Missy, the woman that I loved, the one who always understood how I felt and knew what was on my mind, even though I didn't have to say a single word, pulled at my heartstrings.

I knew that the teams were doing all that they can do in order to be able to find Missy and figure out Lodge's game plan, but in the long run, it felt like they weren't going fast enough. Not fast enough for me to be able to run out of this building and hopping into one of the cars and driving around looking for Missy and track down the bastard. 

I soon heard a knock on my door, but I kept silent. I was still on the floor leaning against the door, not wanting to move from where I was sitting. I didn't want to move, because if I did, I would be running. 

"Hotch," Said Morgan, "Can we talk?"

Still I stayed there silently, and he knew why I would stay silent. He knew that I would do the exact same thing that I did all of those years ago when I found out that Haley was gone.

"Hotch, I know what you are thinking, man, and you know that we are going to be by your side this time around when it comes down to handling Lodge. You are not going to do this alone without us around. Not like the last time. Not when you lose Haley. You can't do this alone, and you know it," Morgan said.

He then went silent for a moment as I then decided to go ahead and stand up from where I was sitting against the door and I then walked away from the door and went towards the window to look out into the morning sky. I can't believe that it has been this long since she was last here. Not even twenty-four hours and yet it feels like it has been years since she has looked into my eyes as she walked out of the pit and into her demise.

What would I do to be able to have her here by my side? I would absolutely do anything to have her here. But I knew that in the end, even if I had her with me even when this is all over, I couldn't. I am not ready for that. 

I am still dealing with the trauma of my near death experience and Haley's death and the fact that I murdered the man that killed her and nearly killed me and Jack. I had so much to work though and I knew that Missy needed a man who she could rely on and wouldn't disappoint her. 

I can't put her through what I went through, and I knew deep down that once she has been saved that I will still have to take a step away from her life until it was time. Time to be the man that she truly wanted me to and knew that I could be. 

I heard Morgan open up the door from behind me, and I heard the footsteps come into the room and then stopping a few feet away from me. 

I stayed silent and so did he. He knew better than to argue with me, but I knew that my reaction is something that is concerning to him 

"What are you thinking?" Morgan asked.

I then turned around to look at him. Morgan had his hands in his pocket. His eyes full of concern. He already had his leather jacket ready to run with the teams and I out of the put once we were able to nail her location as to where she was with Garcia. 

I just shook my head as I said nothing, and I turned to look out the window. I didn't know where to begin with what I was thinking. My thoughts are now becoming jumbled and twisted all because of what is going on with Missy. 

But all I wanted to do is to break down as I could feel my soul breaking into a million pieces the longer that I stayed standing here waiting for Garcia to tell us where she is.