Save Me

Chapter 20: NO

James:

It's been a month.

A month since Ava lost Toby, a month watching her slip into a catatonic depression.

No crying, no tears, no screams, no words.

All she's done is stay in bed and look at nothing, she doesn't move and it's more devastating than hearing her cries of pain. At least then I knew she was releasing some of her pain, now I know she is keeping it in and I know its her form of punishing herself.

I've had to move her to my bed and sleep next to her so I can make sure she's doing okay and still breathing. I check her vitals in the morning, bathe her in bed and try to make her eat and drink water. I can tell she doesn't sleep by the dark circles under her eyes and it wasn't until I told her I would have to take her to the hospital to get a feeding tube is when she's let me feed her.

I took a leave at work so I can be here for her but I don't know how much more I can take seeing her like this. Jonathan has come several times to update us on the investigation of Toby's death, not much has been able to be done with my brother since Ava has to be the one to press charges.

Toby was cremated, his prisoner fathers wishes and he said he could be disposed of or given to Ava. He didn't care.

Ava decided to have his urn placed next to her mothers stone. She wanted both the people she lost and loved, together.

Today I was back at work for the first time since Toby's death, I asked Jackie to come check on Ava while I went back to work. While I wanted nothing more than to be next to her making sure she was okay, I needed to get back to my patients with the hospital being so short staffed.

I get dressed and kneel in front of Ava as she lays in bed looking towards the window, "A-Ava, Jackie is going to come later on tonight to check on you. I have a 24 hour shift today so I won't be home until tomorrow morning, okay?"

Nothing. Not one reaction from her.

I take a sigh deeply and swallow the emotions surfacing. I need to be strong for her but I can't deny the frustration and sorrow I feel from seeing her this way, I gently put my hands on each side of her head and lift her a little so she's looking straight at me,

"Ava, I need you to fight. I need you to find whatever strength you have left inside of you and fight. Not for me, not for your mom or even Toby. But for yourself. Please. I..I love you, please let me in."

Nothing.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes, I let her head down gently and get up. I bend down to kiss her head and a tear slips. I turn and leave before she can even get a glimpse of my insides turning dark with pain.

______________________________________________________________________________

It's been a long morning, a bad car accident that left 4 injured kept me busy all morning. I walked to the coffee machine to pour myself a cup for the second time today. I let out a deep sigh and gulp down the cup. As I finish I feel a hand on my back and turn to see Emily.

"How are you James?" She says with a worried expression, I can't tell if it's genuine or not.

"I'm good, just tired." I say and start walking to an on call room to sleep, I look up to Jackie and gesture that I'm going to rest so she knows where I am, she nods and looks at Emily with a look that seems annoyed. "Huh," I think to myself and go into the room.

"You must be tired after taking care of that girl all day everyday now," she says as I turn to look at her and scowl. She closes the door and I sit on the bed to finish my coffee.

"I'm just saying James, you barely know her. Why are you leaving work for a month to take care of her? Word travels fast here. We all know what she said to her dead friend when she saw him. She loved him so why are you wasting you time?"

I snap my head to glare at her, I crumple the coffee cup and throw it away and get up to speak directly to her.

"Listen...Emily. I don't care what you heard or what the fuck you assume to know. But do not ever assume I'm wasting my time with Ava. How or what I feel for her is none of your fucking business so please do us all a favor and shut the fuck up." I stare her down making sure how dead serious I was.

"I am just looking out for you, I don't want you to get hurt. I want to make sure no ones taking advantage of you." She steps closer while I keep my death glare. "I care about you James, I know how much pain you've been through," I look down at that because I know she does know about what I've been through.

She gets closer and caresses my cheek, "I just want you to be happy and be able to live your life free of pain." I look at her as she says that and get lost in thought,

My life has never been easy and yet when I met Ava I felt a sense of calm. I've seen part of what she has endured and for some reason the connection I have to her seems stronger. I love her in spite of her scars and sorrow. I love her because life has slammed her across the pavement and she's gotten up and faced it no matter how she gets up. I love her because loving her and saving her has given my life meaning of why I'm still here even though there is no one left to show me unconditional love.

As I come to realization that I am in love with Ava, I feel Emily's hand creep up and pull me to her lips as I hear the door open. I open my eyes in surprise for the kiss and then look towards the door to see a beautiful heartbroken Ava looking right at us.

I push Emily away and look as Ava runs off like if her life depended on it,

I wipe my mouth and yell after her,

"AVA! NO!"

I glare and yell back at Emily, "Touch me again and I swear on everything I'll sue you for sexual harassment" She gives me a shocked expression as I grab my car keys to try to get to Ava.