Game of Mass Destruction (COMPLETE AND AVAILABLE IN PAPERBACK)

♕Day Two - Part One: First Scoreboard♕

This monkey on my shoulder has been one of my best friends. Before we came on the scene, the Isle of Hakai has been home to these lovely monkeys. Very friendly, they'll never hit or bite anyone.

Only out of love.

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Sia clapped. "What a marvellous video, thank you, Sergeant Dust. Now, it's time for our special guest." Sia gulped, she hoped she'd get the guest's pronoun right: it had changed so many times over the years. "Please welcome, Fanny Bru!"

Topless men carried a throne. Fanny Bru was born a man. Their record label forced him to act like a woman. Fanny Bru's gender changed more than the weather, but she always had her rainbow hair. Her sari and collection of rings and bangles were just as vibrant.

"Good morning, Fanny!" Sia exclaimed. Memories of dancing under neon lights and belting out lyrics under sprinkles: what simpler times. "My dear friend, it's been so long since we've last spoken."

"Yes." Fanny pouted, crossing her legs. "Far too long."

"Just so we know and don't offend you; what pronouns do you go by now?"

Fanny shook her shoulders. "Oh, I go by any pronoun, darling." She left no time for Sia to respond. "To be honest, I'm more offended over the fact that you've not spoken to me for thirty years."

"Well..." Sia paused, grinning at the camera. "We have lots to talk about."

"Yes, we do." Fanny broke into tears, sinking her head into her lap. "And poor Mariangela." The way she threw her upper body back five seconds later startled Sia. Tears nestled in the corner of her ears, leaving smears of mascara. "If she dies, I'll never forgive you. I'll wipe all our music off the database."

Sia was drawn back from the serious threat. It wouldn't affect her: life would go on as normal. Lowering her head, she let Fanny's words sink in. With all the social media about, there was no excuse not to contact her. "You can't do that," was all Sia could muster.

"But I can girl, I own all the rights to the music. You got this island. Mary got...second-hand clothes."

"Sadly, there's always the one member that gets the shade," Sia said between sips of tea.

With the look Fanny gave her, Sia was grateful that there were no weapons close by. If looks could kill, Sia was on her deathbed. "Well my precious Sia, it seems that the world finally knows the truth."

"What would that be?"

"I was always the talented member of the band." Fanny flipped her hair back and smiled. "I wrote all the lyrics and I composed the music."

Sia rolled her eyes at her before grinning at the camera. "And that's all we have time for, let's get this morning's weather forecast."

"Thank you!" Daz cried out with beers in his hands and white patches around his nose. He made out with the camera and loafed about. "Today's weather on the isle of Hakai is going to be absolutely shit!" He pointed at the lens, getting louder, his pupils dilated. "There's gonna be loads of showers and if you're lucky – ya might see some golden showers. If you're from Manchester, which is my neck of the woods – you'll understand what I mean when I say the weather is going to be shit. Mother Nature is a cunt. I spent 3 million quid on a mansion in Japan and a tsunami destroyed it – how fucked up is that?"

Sia sighed in relief; thank goodness Professor Denki didn't call this morning.

"You see..." Daz paused his analysis to spit out phlegm he coughed up. "That's better now." He wiped his mouth clean. "So, you see... Isle of Hakai is between the Arctic circle and the equator. So, if you ever wondered why the contestants are shivering so much, it's because of the winds from the Arctic circle. The weather is always crap here especially in November. So yeah, other than that, that's it for the weather today. I'll see you all in 12 hours!"