Lost Notes from a Time of Despair

Recruitment

Some of you reading this might not be from the US, so I don't really know if you understand how aggressively our military markets itself. 

Ads for joining one branch or another are a near-constant thing, and I'm really easily influenced by ads (sad but true), so when I was little, I wanted to join the Marines. 

Now, though, there's a ban on trans people serving in the military, so the five-year-old in me is kinda sad. 

I bring this up because I watched Endgame last night, and one of the ads was a recruitment ad for the Air Force, which showed all these strong female pilots, and before I even know it, I'm crying. 

Why?

Because I'm never gonna be that, no matter how much I might want to. 

It's not that bad, but it's one of a lot of little things that have been bothering me lately: I started an internship at the Red Cross, and my boss has been consistently misgendering me; my classmates have started a rumor that me and a friend are dating (he's a guy, and I don't swing that way even a little...); and I got shit for having long hair at my church. 

Still, three weeks from now, I won't have to go there ever again, and I'll have graduated the hellhole I laughingly refer to as "high school", so life isn't totally sucky anymore.