The results for my neuro-psychological testing came back last week, and my parents finally told me what they were tonight. Took them a while, but when you've got four younger siblings ranging in age from 16 to 2, what're you gonna do?
Apparently, I've been officially diagnosed with depression.
Nothing I didn't suspect already, but still, nice to know.
Weirdly, though, they never considered the implications.
Like, I don't know, maybe the fact that you have literally forced me into a place where people see who I am as either an excuse to hit on me or a reason to call me every unflattering, rude or derogatory name under the sun might have something to do with the fact that I may occasionally want to die? Maybe stuffing me into boy clothes every stinking day of the week was a bad idea? Maybe dysphoria is an actual thing????
Sorry about this, I have to deal with visiting my fundamentalist cousins this weekend and I am seriously frightened that somehow, they're gonna find out and leave me behind.
It's easier being out around people you might never have to deal with again. You don't have to worry that they'll hurt you the way family can, because their opinions matter less. Family, though, especially when you're close like mine...those bonds make you secure, but they also make it easier to hurt you. Plus, the uncertainty of how they'll react to who you are when you've been hiding it from them for your entire life makes it even harder to come out.
KAMU SEDANG MEMBACA
Lost Notes from a Time of Despair
AcakAn entirely randomized bunch of stories, complaints, and observations about being trans at an all-boys school. Sorry if I bitch about it a bit too much; trigger warning because some of the people I'm forced to attend school with are a-holes.
