Unseen secrets

Nothing is the best of something

Chapter 15

Maia's point of view

I was already gone. I was gone from the world when I told Amber what I did. I was already gone, I have nothing left to live for. No one to love me or care about me, I've been stripped from everything. My world is slowly closing in and I can't wait to see it close around me. Those are wishes.....

Right now I'm laying in bed at eleven in the morning. I ignore the knocks of concern on my door. Until Luke comes in, and I was forced to act awake. "I don't know what's wrong with you. Mom says if you don't get up and act happy she's sending you to a therapist. She said she has her on  sped dial." I sat up and looked at him as if I didn't already see this coming.

"I got it, act like am an awesome teenager who has no signs of depression. I know I also have to eat food and get out of the house. Be normal and let the rest of me feel like I've died inside. Then maybe what's on the outside finally feel like It can be home on the inside." Luke wasn't my older sister he was my older brother who was just glad I talked.

"Okay, great. Well, mom wants you down in a couple of minutes so, look happier." With that he left and I thought that I could just go back to sleep. The words sending you to a therapist was my willpower to get up and move. I rambled through my closet and found a T-shirt that said Hello Happy. I thought this was perfect.

I walked out of my room and smelt cooking of bacon and eggs. Mom must be off, it must be Thursday. Out of everything left in me I faked a smile and acted happy as i possibly could. Mom looked at my shirt first thing and then looked at my smile that I was trying to brighten up. "Maia, you want some breakfast?" I remembered about me having to eat.

"Sure." I sat on the round table and waited for my plate of food. I was served with three pieces of bacon, scrambled eggs, and two pieces of toast. The looks of it made me sick feeling. I looked around and saw mom intensely staring at me along with Luke. I picked up my fork and stabbed a piece of an egg. I shoved it in my mouth and tried to ignore the stares. just when I thought I was succeeding at something, I felt sick.

I cleared my throat trying to throw up the emptiness in my stomach. I ate another two pieces of the eggs. After swallowing I felt it coming back up and ran to the bathroom. Throwing up the three pieces of egg and whatever else lived there. When I walked back into the kitchen mom just stared at me not looking away. I grabbed a piece of bacon and started nibbling. "Come on, Maia!" I was startled and to my luck I got choked. I took a sip of the orange juice I forgot was there.

"What, what is it, I'm trying to eat without choking." She slammed down the coffee pot and made Luke and I jump. She was mad and I had no idea of what. Maybe she just had a bad day.

"Maia, your not trying, your clearly suffering. Your going to Mr. Henderson's office. He's a good physiciistris. He'll help you, were leaving in fifteen minutes. Also, stop acting like eating like I poisoned your food, it's sad to see you eat like that." She left  the kitchen and went into her room. I didn't bother looking at Luke and went into my room. Out of everything I felt, I actually felt like crying. I knew that I couldn't my eyes turned red way to fast for  me to cry and try to hid it. :"Maia." I heard my mom say from the living room.

"Just a minute." I grabbed my phone and walked out of my room. She was standing there impatiently waiting for me to hurry up. Without a word I got into the car and let her drive me to my destination. We didn't talk until I fell running up the stairs and she asked me if I was okay. I was running from her, nothing was okay at the moment. I sat down on the chair, I had a feeling that I needed my phone. I remembered that Amber hated me and she never will forgive me.

The physicistris called me back He was quite young and was dressed up in a suit. "Sit down, Maia." He said as he shut the door and sat in front of me in his black office chair. "My name is Mr. Henderson. If you don't mind answering some questions." I could have just said no,can I please leave, only that's not very to tell a stranger. I waited for him to read off his list of questions he had on his board. "How are things at home?"

"Good." Other than a ghost who scared me for life and the serial killer who tried to kill me. Life's just a grand happy place. He wrote down what I said.

"What about your friend relationships, dating relationships? How are they going?" Okay, so you mean my dead boyfriend who asked my friend out right after he broke-up with me. Wait, she's mad at me too. These questions where the dumbest things I ever heard. 

"Good." He wrote it down again and stared at me for so long I thought I was going to die. He finally said something.

"How does that make you feel?" Well considering the only thing I've been saying is good, the answer is pretty obvious how I feel.

"Fine." He wrote it down put his clipboard on the table. I must be too irritating for him, getting out of here is all I want to do.

"Maia, I understand you don't want to be here. I know you aren't some crazy self depressed teenager. Though, trying to act like you have the perfect life doesn't cut it. I know you have some emotion in you, its somewhere.People feel sadness and they feel regret. I think you just don't want yourself to admit that your not okay. You have something inside of you and you aren't letting it go. Now, tell me what you really feel."

This was the longest time I ever seen a person say that people have emotion. I think mine just decided to fade out of me. "You want to know what I think. I think  emotions are overrated. Why should I feel all of this, what's the point. You should be grateful I don't, cause i am. I don't think my life is perfect, no one's is. There's flaws everywhere you look. I think shutting out everything and everyone is the greatest way to feel better. There is no one who can feel just like you do, so why act like someone does. Yeah, my best friend hates me. She'll hate me for as long as she lives. So, no I'm not just gonna sit at home and say I'm wonderful. I'm an awful person and an awful person like me doesn't want to eat. Yeah, i'm not hungry and I don't have a disorder either if that's what your thinking. I think everyone would be better off feeling nothing, because its the only thing that keeps me from losing my mind is feeling nothing."

He started to clap while I sat there thinking that clap means nothing. I was a person filled up with nothing. I mean nothing to everyone and I am a walking nothing. Nothing is empty,dark,no words, it's what I wish my mind could be filled with. Only everything is in there forever and it will ever be nothing. If only it could be  nothing.