All Roads Lead Home ✓

6 | DENIAL OR PERSERVERANCE

Mariana stood in the  doorway and stared at her son snuggled deep in the comforter, clutching  his favorite stuffed animal, a horse with a missing ear. Most boys his  age were into superheroes, but he was all about animals. The  night-light's glow mixed with sun rays streaking through the window  bathed his angelic face in amber. He was such a good boy, and she wanted  to do so much for him. Get him a real pony. He'd asked for one last  Christmas, and when Santa didn't deliver, Tommy didn't cry. Said he  figured St. Nick thought he needed to be a year older.

Mariana's lip quivered  and her eyes filled with tears. She should accept Andrew's proposal. He  would buy a pony and anything else Mariana asked. Why not say yes and  make everyone's life easier? Move out of her parent's house and into his  country club two-story. No more shopping at thrift stores for school  clothes. Give up her part-time jobs. Open a garage. Get a pedicure.  Damn, it'd been years since she'd had one.

Tommy shifted and made a  little humming noise, then laughed. She couldn't help but laugh, too.  He was dreaming and it must be a good one. His unruly hair poked in  every direction. The child needed a haircut. Zoya would take care of  that.

The thought of her  friend brought Roman to mind. Seeing him yesterday unnerved Mariana and  caused feelings long buried to resurface.

"He's so precious." Mom slipped her arm around her daughter's shoulders.

"I'm going to marry Andrew."

"Oh, mija. Don't. Dad and I know you don't love the man."

She followed as Mariana  went to the sofa and collapsed onto it. "I'm worn out, Mama. Tired of  sponging off you and dad. And working two jobs. I'm sick of Tommy having  to wear mostly hand-me-downs and me never being able to give him  things. Andrew can provide a good life for us. I care for him and that  will have to be enough."

Mom lowered her head and  rolled her eyes. "Maybe for you, but will it be enough for him? He's  got to know how you feel and I can't believe he'll settle for a loveless  marriage. And we've told you paying rent isn't necessary."

"Yeah, but you pay for  everything... Our food, utilities, and free babysitting when I need it.  With the measly amount I pay, I'd say you're losing money."

"No. No. I won't allow  you to do this. In a few months, you'll have your degree and LeBlanc's  brother promised you a job in the shop. Once you're working, your income  will double."

Mariana shook her head  so fast her vision blurred. "Only if they have an opening, which they  don't. That means finding employment in a neighboring city. Driving that  far means more gas, and I'll need a dependable vehicle. It'd be cheaper  to buy a new car than trying to fix that clunker. Higher insurance, and  I'll see less of Tommy. Marrying Andrew will change all that. I won't  even need to work because he wants a baby right away. After that, I can open up a garage..."

"Oh my God!" Her mother reared back. "Listen to yourself. You can't do this. Have you even slept with him?"

"Mama! That's none of your business."

"Maybe so, but I'm  making a point. You haven't, have you? And that's because you're not  sexually attracted to him." She released a long sigh. "Oh, Good Lord.  You're willing to swear to love this man forever and you don't even love  him now. The marriage will be doomed from the beginning." She clasped  Mariana's hands. "You can't do this. Just wait a little longer. I'm  begging you."

Mariana burst into tears and so did Mom.

"What the hell? Did somebody die?"

Mariana turned to face her dad, but her mother spoke.