even just a bit (jikook/vmin)

you

jimin's

i woke up on my bed, i can't remember how i got here all i can remember was jungkook and i was drinking. i sat down, my feet came contact to the floor. the emptiness is suddenly settling in. "why am i settling myelf to someone who is already taken? why am i letting myself be content in this kind of relationship where we needed to hide and met only in the dark? why am i letting myself be okay with the fact thay i was begging for his attention that i knew will never be mine fully? why am i hurting myself like this?" the tears was already falling down on my cheeks.

"hey." jungkook is standing at the door with something different in his eyes, like he was mad at something. he then strode his way towards me, with his glistening eyes, is he~ he suddenly kneel down and hug me. making my tears flow hard again. "then get out of that." he spoke, voice so soft but stern. "you deserve better. you deserve someone who can be yours without sharing his self to anyone, someone who can give you more than enough of what you're asking for. someone who will be there for you everytime you will need them." i felt his tears dampening my shirt. his hold tightening around my back.

"i wish i could do that. i love him kook. i love him so much that even though i was hurting this much, i can't. i can't just let go of him." i cried harder, realizing this now is really painful. why can't i just stop now? jungkook's hold loosened as he stood up and look down at me. "if you like that. then go ahead." his eyes staring straight at me, glaring but i can see hurt in it. but why? "hurt yourself more. and hurt them too. and if you're done with it, if you're done messing with a taken man and being his other choice. then maybe you can turn around and run to that someone, who you wouldn't need to share to anyone." his look softened but his eyebrows still furrowed, he slowly raise his hands and hold my cheeks, gently caressing it.

"and i will wait until you finally realize that you can run to me."

--

i was left alone in my room with taehyung in the bathroom, my mind clouding up with what jungkook had said to me. he did confess and all honestly i'm not sure how to feel, knowing there is someone who adore me like on how i adore taehyung but is it worth it? can i love him like how i love taehyung? "what are you thinking?" taehyung's voice suddenly take me out of my questions, i look at him only wearing a towel on. which surprisingly didn't turn me on. "you were never like this when we were together? is something bothering you?" yes, there is. and it's you, i wanna know the truth, what am i to you?

"nothing, just thinking about something in the future?" i answered and hug the pillow a little tighter. "in the future? what is it?" he smiled as he wore his boxer and walk towards the bed and sat down on front of me. "what if i wanted to settle down?" he was stop smiling, and confusion was written all over his face. "you wanted to settle down? with whom?" he looks down. but silence took over between us, i wanted to settle down with you but it was too impossible to happen. "okay, let's not talk about this." he said, making me frown. i wanted you to tell me what am i to you. to assure me that we can work this out, that i am worthy of your love but he then kiss me, and so suddenly it seems that i forgot that i am disappointed with him.

you're falling deeper on the hole you created.

you can run to me. his voice suddenly echoed inside my mind that it made me stop and push taehyung a little. "why?" he ask, i look at him before closing my eyes again, "can we just sleep? i'm already tired." i said before laying down on my side facing away from him. i heard him sigh before i felt the bed squeak. he left. the tears cascade down, now it hit me like a damn truck. he only want me for pleasure.

"i think he's cheating on me jimin." i was stopped on picking up my cup when i heard her spoke those words. i gulp and look down again as i gulp hardly this time. "why do you say so?" i tried my best not to stutter and show how nervous i am. "he's been distant to me, and i saw some hicky that i didn't remember giving him since you know. we really haven't do it for almost a month now." i gulp again and look somewhere else. "maybe it's just an insect bite and you know he's a little busy with work, maybe he's tired." i fake a smile and just drink my coffee. "i hope so. but do you really don't know about it? he said sometime that he will stay at your place to do some business, isn't he acting weird?"

"i didn't notice anything, i'm sorry." she laughs, "no don't be sorry, maybe i'm just really overthinking everything." she sighs and just sips on her drink. "well how about you? how's that jungkook guy?" she smiles at me, that it hurts me seeing how genuine she is to me, if she knows that taehyung is cheating to her with me, i don't think she can even smile at me like that. "we're okay." i simply answered as i look down. "so what do you say you can stay and have dinner with us." she offers, i blink a few times before looking up to her. "i want to but i still have works to do." she frown, "aw, but next time you'll stay okay?"

when she was out of sight the smile suddenly falter, i sigh, i really am ruining them aren't i? now the guilt is really eating me alive. i can't believe i'll be that someone that can hurt others because of my own greediness. is it really worth it if i continue this? if i continue sneaking with a taken man? what will happen if she knew about me and taehyung? probably she will hate me and wish my death, knowing the person whom she trust with her boyfriend is the one who is suspecting to.

i~ i need to stop this.

"i miss you.." taehyung said once i open the door for him and goes for a hug, but i didn't return it and just walk away from him. "hey is everything okay?" he asks and heard him following me. i sigh and still not facing him, i need to do this. "no, everything is not okay taehyung." i answered and gulp.

taehyung's

"no, everything is not okay taehyung." i felt my heart drop as he answered that, i've noticed the changes in him, he acts so cautious even though we were together and it anger and hurt me. "but we're okay. everything is perfect." i reach out for him and turn him around. "baby i know you're just tired come on let~" he pushes my hand and look at me with tears on his eyes. "i i wanted to end this." i suddenly laugh.

"end this? i know you can't. you like doing this, you enjoy being with me right? so why so suddenly you wanted to stop this?" i don't know what this feeling is? but i don't like it, i don't like the idea of him wanting us to stop. i i can't let him go. "taehyung, i i thought that what happened in america will just stay there and it won't happened again but it didn't. we continue sneaking around, and continue cheating on your girlfriend for a month now. she's being suspicious of you, i can't let you two be ruined just because of this. i i can't continue living like this taehyung, i want a normal relationship someone i can have with no one sharing with." he was crying. i felt my heart broken, seeing him like this.

"you you want me to choose?" i asked, but he shook his head. he sat down and spoke "i can't burden you with that. and you didn't need to, you shouldn't, because you will go back to her." i look at him like he was kidding, is he really giving up on me? but i don't want him to, i wanted him to be with me. "but i want to stay." i whispered and kneel down as i hug him. "please don't tell me you're giving up on me. i i can't lose you." i cried.

"you won't lose me because i'll stay here no matter what. but if you stay here, you will lose someone who is already perfect for you. you better take care of her, take care of my sister for me."