For Forever: Dear Evan Hansen One Shots

Another masterful attempt ends in disaster

In that moment, with a boost of confidence, he stood up and started towards the computer lab. They all did it, right? All the famous ones. Kurt Cobain. Ernest Hemingway. Robin Williams. Virginia Woolf. Hunter S. Thompson. Sylvia Plath. David Foster. Van Gogh.

They all had a note at least, I'm guessing.

Connor headed off to the computer lab to write his own.

On his way there, he was thinking of what to write. Kurt Cobain got it right. Better to burn out, then fade away.

It waslike burning. You get hotter and hotter each day until you can't take it anymore.

Connor got to the computer lab though, but somebody was already there. He ignored them, and walked to the computer furthest away from the person. The one right next to the printer.

Connor looked up again, and realised it was the guy he pushed earlier standing at the other side of the room.

He looked down guiltily, ashamed of losing control and pushing him.

The printer woke up and started spitting out pages. This must be something that the guy was printing.

Connor wasn't sure why he did it. Maybe to apologise, maybe to do one nice thing before he left. He picked the paper and walked over. What was his name again? Connor glances down at the sheet and sees Dear Evan Hansen.

That must be his name. Connor thinks to himself. Shit, what was he going to say. Too late, he was already standing next to him.

'So... how did you break your arm?' Connor decides to ask.

Evan looks up quickly, almost frightened.

'Oh, I, Um... I fell out of a tree, ah, actually...' Evan mutters, almost inaudible.

'You fell out of a tree?' Connor clarifies. When Evan doesn't say anything, he continues. 'Well, that is just the saddest fucking thing I have ever heard, oh my god.' Connor cringes at himself. He tries to be nice, but of course, he has to go and fuck it up.

'Haha yeah...' Evan looks down.

'Um, no one's signed your cast.' Connor says, trying to hold a conversation.

'Oh, uh, yeah. Um, I know.' Evan manages to stutter out.

'Well, I'll sign it.' Connor offers.

'You, you don't have to...' Even though Evan says this, he desperately wanted at least one name on his cast. Just to show his mom and make her proud of him or something.

'Do you have a Sharpie?' Connor asks, and Evan drags one out from the bottom of his bag. Connor writes his name in massive letters, filling up the entire cast.

'Oh, great... thanks.' Evan says, obviously not happy how Connor had used the whole front of the cast.

'Know we can both pretend we have friends.' Connor points out.

'Good, good point.'Evan trails off, and starts to walk away. Connor, wanting to make it up to Evan quickly pulls him back.

'Hey, um, I saw this on the printer. Dear Evan Hansen, that's your name, right?'

'Oh, um, yes, that's just some stupid, some stupid paper I had to write for English, it's just...' It was too late though, Connor had looked down and read enough.

'Because there's Zoe? Is this about my sister?'

Evan tried to say something, but Connor's anger had knocked all sense out of him and he didn't hear what Evan had to say.

'You wrote this because you knew I would find it.' Connor says slowly. 'Yeah, you wrote this because you knew I would find it. You saw I was the only other person in the computer lab, so you printed it out.'

Evan tries again in vain to defend himself, but Connor cuts over him again.

'Because you wanted me to freak out. You wrote some creepy shit about my sister and printed it out so I would find it, so then you can tell everyone I'm a freak, right? Well, fuck you!'

Connor storms past Evan. He can hear Evan calling back to him, but ignores it. He goes to the quietest part of the school, behind the bike racks and behind the gym, and sinks to the floor, and read over the note again.

After reading it a few times, Connor realises that it isn't really that creepy at all. And, Evan probably wasn't trying to call him a freak. He was too anxious to do that and draw attention to himself, Connor realises.

But, Connor noticed, it would serve his purpose perfectly. It summed up all his thoughts. It would be the perfect suicide note. He folds it up and puts it in his jacket pocket.

He leaves the school grounds and walks to the closest drug store. He pulls the cheapest painkillers off the shelf and takes them to the counter, paying, and then making his way to the park.

This was his favourite park. It was named Michael Park after the famous actor who had once lived in the area 200 hundred years ago.

He sat down under a big willow tree. Not many people knew, but Connor was a little obsessed with trees. He just loved how they could take something dirty, like carbon dioxide, and turn it into something so pure, like oxygen.

Connor looks around for what he believes is the last time. No one was around. No one could stop him. He pats the note in his pocket gingerly, making sure that it was still there.

Slowly, he opened the pill bottle. 'Stupid child proof caps!' He mutters angrily. Finally, he gets it open.

He looks around and realises he didn't bring any water to swallow the pills down.

'Fuck it.' He says, and swallows the whole bottle in one.

Connor had heard that after people swallow a bottle of pills, or attempt suicide, they have a moment of regret, but Connor feels nothing except relief. Maybe he could be happy now.

He could feel the pills reaching his stomach.

This is a nice tree... He thinks to himself as his eyes slowly close.

A/n: Cliff Hanger I guess?! Yes, there will be a part two, this was getting kinda long. This is not the end. Sorry for the angst, the end will be fluffy though, I promise!