Simply A Sacrifice

Chapter 33: Us

"That's a new nickname?"

"Don't try and change the subject. Talk. To. Him."

I sighed. "I wouldn't know where to start."

"It literally does not matter. Talk about the weather, cheese, how much you miss him. You need each other. He needs the support. Help him. Don't add to his list of burdens."

I opened my mouth to respond then closed it again. She was right. I was being kind of selfish.

"Don't think I don't know about the meals you've been making him either," Taylor said with a smug smile. My face turned several shades of red darker.

"I have no idea what you're talking about?" I offered hopefully.

"Gabe told me you've been up at 2 am, banging around in the kitchen. You're many things, Ada, but a natural cook is not one of them. He saw you leave just before dawn a few times, meals in hand. It doesn't take a genius to work out where you've been going."

"I wanted to help," I mumbled. "I'm not a total monster. Some of those meals go to the grieving families as well."

"Do you even give it in person? Or just ring the doorbell and run?"

"Um. The latter? It's not about getting credit. I just want to help."

"Girl, you need to work on your public image. You're the Luna. Act like a politician!"

"I really don't think that's the point of being Luna," I muttered under my breath.

"It is when you're an outsider. It is when you're a continuous target of wandering rogues and neighbouring packs. You gotta give the people a reason to keep coming after you whenever you're kidnapped."

"We're done with that crap."

"If you say so."

"Taylor! I am not getting kidnapped. I've more than served my time as the damsel in distress. Can't I be the one doing the rescuing?"

She shrugged, turning back to her chocolate brownie milkshake. "All I'm saying is that it wouldn't hurt if you spoke to some other people aside from Gabe and I. Start with Adahy."

She was right. Of course, I had to speak to him. It was inevitable. Might as well get it over and done with. No time like the present. I stood up, turning towards the door. Biting my lip, I contemplated what I would start this conversation. The ice between us had been getting thicker with each passing day and it felt as though I would need a jackhammer to try and crack through it.

I glanced at Taylor's milkshake and then decided to make myself one. You know what? Later would also be a good time to talk. Taylor rolled her eyes and sighed in exasperation. She looked like she was going to comment on the matter, which made for an opportune moment to turn the blender on.

But I could not avoid him forever. The sun was hanging low in the sky when I found myself in front of the oak door that led to Adahy's office. I had never come to visit at the office before and I found the large door  solemn and intimidating. I lifted my hand to knock, stopping just before I made contact with the wood. 

I took a deep breath. Then another one. My hand hovered in mid air. Maybe this was a bad idea. I could come back. 

"Come in, Amadahy," said a deep voice from within the office. Crap. I hadn't even knocked. I wasn't yet committed to this conversation. I mentally smacked my hand to my forehead. Here goes nothing. 

The door creaked loudly as I opened it. The room was relatively small and was lined with bookshelves and pot plants. There was still enough space for two chairs, seated in front of a massive desk so filled to the brim with stacks of papers, stationary and coffee mugs that it overpowered the entirety of the room. In the center of this mess lay a computer that Adahy was currently using, his fingers flying across the keyboard. 

"I'll be with you now," he murmured. I tried to look casual - as if he hadn't begun consuming my every thought the second I saw him. He seemed a lot less affected by my presence, his mind focused on the task at hand. There was something about the way he was holding himself, though, that made me think he was pretending to be unbothered too. Maybe it was that his breathing seemed a little shallower or a little more uneven. Maybe it was that his shoulders seemed to be holding some tension, or that his posture looked more rigid than normal. 

Or maybe I was imagining it all to make myself feel better.

I moved towards one of the chairs seated in front of the desk, my hand resting on the back of it. Should I sit? Or was it rude to do so without him offering? If I stayed standing, did that make me seem more awkward? If I sat, did it imply that we were going to have a long conversation? He probably didn't have time to speak for long. 

"You can sit, you know?" he said, without so much as glancing up at me. I sat. My fingers lay in my lap, intertwined. A few moments passed and I came across a new worry. Where did I look? What do I do? I could bring out my phone, but maybe that seemed impatient. I began fidgeting, playing with my fingers. Is this distracting? Annoying? I clasped my hands, bringing the restless motion to a reluctant stop. Is it more weird for me to just sit still, waiting. I did not want to rush him, but also why invite me in if you aren't ready for me? This is so damn awkward. 

Finally, I heard the tapping of keys slow down. 

"And send," he muttered. Finally, he looked at me. Leaning back in his chair, he pressed the tips of his fingers together and surveyed me. Grey eyes, with something raging in them. "I haven't seen you in a while. I was beginning to suspect that you were avoiding me."

His voice sent shivers through my body in the best way possible. I swallowed loudly, the sound seeming to echo across the room. My throat had suddenly gone dry. 

When I did not respond, he continued, "Well, what brings you here? Business or pleasure?" His voice took on a slight husky quality to it on the last word and I was totally unable to remember what I had planned to say. He raised one eyebrow questioningly, his face expressionless except for a small twinkle in his eye that suggested he knew exactly what effect he had on me. 

"Um," I started. I swallowed again, wondering if I should ask for a glass of water. "Well, I thought, um, that maybe we should talk. At some point. It doesn't have to be now. I get that you're a  busy guy, I just thought maybe we should sometime. But I'll come back another time, you're clearly busy."

I was cringing internally, my embarrassment throwing a dozen alarm signals all telling me to shut up and leave as quickly as possible. The corner of Adahy's mouth twitched upwards.

"What did you want to talk about?" he asked calmly. 

"Um, well...'us', I guess. If there is an 'us' still." I could have melted into the floor. 

"Do you want there to be?" he asked, his face completely impartial. I groaned inwardly. I guess this is where I show my cards. Be vulnerable and all that. 

"Yes," I said quietly, realizing just how much I meant it as I said it. He gave me a shy smile, so out of character for this hulking, confident alpha that I almost fell out my chair.

"Me too," he said.