Dazed in Heaven (LH Series #1)

chapter 1

Days are darker whenever you feel sad. The sun won't shine upon you and your garden full of growing flowers if you, yourself, won't shine in your own way. Last night, I was fearless in the pursuit of what sets my soul on fire. Literally on fire. And somehow, doing such thing made me regret a lot. 

Nakatitig ako sa dalawang maleta ko na inihanda pa ni Mama kagabi. Shit. Ipapadala na talaga ako sa Pilipinas.

This was never part of my plan. Ang nasa plano ko ay ang magdala ng Fizzle Rocks sa bahay, yung totoong candy at hindi ang nauusong Fizzle Rocks na drugs talaga ang laman, at ilagay ito sa cabinet ko para makita nila Mama at Papa. Bakit ko naisipang gawin 'to? Because my cousins moved to Los Angeles and I want to be with them. And Kohle, my 2nd degree cousin, moved along with Freya and Frona and their parents. And I know it's not that obvious pero may gusto ako kay Kohle. Oo. Incest. Fuck.

Someone told me that the best love story is when you fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time. And I think hindi ako nakailag when I fell in love with my best friend... who was also my cousin. He was just the guy I've always dreamt of falling in love with. Siya talaga yung lalake na sobrang sarap mahalin. Yung lalaking alam mo na worth it.

Kung kaya't alam ko na sa oras na makita ng parents ko na I have Fizzle Rocks with me, they will send me far away from this place. Away from Canada and to LA para mabantayan ako nila Tita kasi they are both busy with work and life. Pero parang nagkamali ako. No, scratch that. Nagkamali talaga ako. They will surely send me away but not to LA but Philippines. At gusto kong umiyak ng husto kasi heto na naman ako at palpak. Always with the plan pero walang kasiguraduhan.

"Niobe, maghanda ka na at ihahatid ka na namin ng Papa mo sa airport." Talagang nanginit ang tenga ko sa narinig. 

"Ma." I called out my mom. I really don't wanna do this. I can't risk losing my first love. Childish and immature as it may seem but I am definitely amused with the idea of love. I mean, I'm young and totally not that dumb to follow my heart. Diba?

"Niobe." She gave me this warning eyes that she seldom shows and I know that she's pissed already. Bakit ba siya ganyan? I just called her out.

"Ma... sa LA, Ma. Doon ko gusto." I blurted out my words, not sure if it was rightful of me to demand after my stupidity of making a cover up just to go to somewhere far. Some far place where the certain reason why my heart beats is probably reading books.

Natahimik saglit si Mama sa sinabi ko. She processed my short statement for a whole minute. "What?" it was everything she managed to say after thinking for 60 freaking seconds. What an answer, Ma.

"You didn't ask for my explanation but I insist in explaining myself. The Rocks you found in my cabinet was just a cover up. I badly want to go to LA kasi nandoon sina Freya. I definitely got attached to them an—" she cut me off.

"And you thought na sa Los Angeles kita ipapadala sa kahibangang ginawa mo? Do you really think I don't get it, Niobe?" biglang nanlisik ang mga mata ni mama and I seriously did not expect her reaction. What's gotten into my mom today at parang may malaking galit sya sa'kin?! "I know you liked Kohle. That kid was very close to you and it seems to me that you were totally affected with it. And so, when I noticed that there was something off, I asked your grandmother to fake a heart complication so that your Tita Felicity will lose her head and immediately fly to LA, together with her family. I know that you know that I had to do what I did because it was the only way to save you from an oppressive shame. Ormosia Niobe, incest will never be a trend, no matter what place you grew up and what religion you believe." I was taken aback.

My mother knew that I liked Kohle. The fuck. How? Was I that obvious? How come Kohle never noticed it? Or even sina Freya at Frona? If I was that obvi, dapat ay tinadtad na ako ng tanong mula sa kambal about it, knowing them that they always notice every single thing about me. How come my mother, who was only with me during dinnertimes, noticed that I felt something for my cousin? How on earth did that happen?