Sharing Afflictions

The Big Bang Theory Part 3

Through the floor of the tent, I could feel a small twig under my butt. I usually do a better job of clearing the space for my tent, but it had been quite dark. I noticed the girls were squirming around avoiding similar annoyances.

"So, what's the real story with you girls?" I asked hoping to finally get an explanation. — I should have known better.

The ambience of the tent, as we sat circled around the dim lantern light, clearly begged for campfire stories; and the girls were more than happy to oblige.

Rogue went first. She seemed to be in a better mood. It was probably due to the relief of being off of her ankle and having her leg stretched out. She thought for a moment and then with an evil grin she leaned back propping herself up with her arms and began, "I shouldn't be telling you this, but actually, we're aliens from the planet Regnant Vaginae." She smiled and gave the other girls a knowing look before continuing. "You may have noticed that unlike primitive earthlings, we no longer have hair or tails or other what we consider vestigial appendages."

"There is one vestigial appendage of the male of your species that I find quite interesting," Pixie volunteered with a giggle.

Rogue silenced Pixie with a frown and continued, "Our ship crash landed and stranded us here. Our rescue has to wait because your earth is on quarantine until the indigenous species finishes its self-destruction. It shouldn't be too much longer now." She paused as if she were giving me time to digest this information. I was pretty sure she was just giving herself time to fabricate more story.

Her eyes lit up as she clearly thought of an entertaining twist. "The quarantine is to prevent anyone from affecting the outcome of the intergalactic pool. The pool is a rather lucrative sweepstakes where the winners are drawn from those who correctly guess the cause of your civilization's ultimate demise. The favorites are global warming, over population, and nuclear annihilation. If you like long odds, you can bet on a genetically modified super virus, rise of the machines or even a meteor strike. Once the result becomes obvious, the quarantine will be lifted and we can be rescued."

"My money is on a mass suicide," Jean interjected. "I believe reality shows will eventually dominate all media venues on this planet, so much so that people will begin to accept them as an accurate portrayal of human nature. They will choose to end it all out of disgust and despair."

"It is good to know our ten thousand years of civilization won't be for naught," I smirked. "I mean, at least it will have provided some pari-mutuel entertainment for the rest of the galaxy."

"Hey, don't dismiss entertainment as a worthwhile purpose for life. It is certainly a bigger contribution than anyone ever expected from your species," Jean seriously mocked my mockingly serious comment. "The feline race of Hedonistia II believes entertaining others and being entertained by others is the entire purpose of sentient life and they are considered one of the most intelligent species in this sector of the galaxy. After all, they were the first species to develop the laser pointer."

I shook my head to dispel the image of a planet of cat people pouncing around chasing the spots from each other's laser pointers and asked, "So, no consideration was even given to possibly trying to save us from ourselves?"

Jean looked down her nose at me and asked, "Have you ever tried to offer help to an earthling that hasn't asked for it? It's like teaching pigs to sing — it frustrates you and annoys the pigs. You know, there is little hope for a civilization that ignores their best and brightest and instead panders to the masses or worse to vocal minorities of well-intentioned misinformed fanatics?"