The Apprentice Assassin (Complete but editing) MxM

Journal entry #4

"Then why," I whispered out, my rage dissolving completely into depression as my heartbreak broke my voice. "Why do you treat me as if I was nothing more than a piece of meat?"

"You think I perceive you as meat?" Colin questioned, his tone spiking with concern. "You couldn't be further away from the truth..." I felt my heart continuing to pound as heartbreak washed over me. Lifting one of my hands with his own, he pulled it to his chest like he always did. "Do you feel this little one? I ask you every night before bed what it is. Do you remember what you say every time I ask?"

"I say it's the useless candle in your chest waiting to be snuffed out because you have no love for another human being!" I growled back trying to pull my hand away. Instead of fighting me, he lay his chest against mine. Our hands sandwiched between us, his steady heartbeat booming against my hand.

"I give you my heart every night lover, every night I offer myself to you with this motion. Would somebody who thought of you as meat would be willing to do the same?" Colin questioned as I was forced to feel his heart continuing to beat steadily.

"No..." I grumbled weakly as the repetitive pounding echoed through my hand. "I just don't understand why you push for such closeness if you have no desire to keep me..."

"Keep you?" Colin repeated slowly, "You think I would throw you away? My god Paul, have I taught you nothing?" He asked, pulling himself from me to sit on the bed.

Reaching for a pillow, I quickly cover my face and close my eyes as tears began to fall. "I just..." I mumbled through the pillow, trying to ignore his eyes on me in the darkness. "I just don't want to feel like I am the only one committed to this! I mean, I know we are both men, and that should stop us from wanting to be one. I just can't picture my life without you anymore, but I can't be your plaything anymore! I need to be something more to you. Otherwise I..." My tears continued to fall, being absorbed by the pillow until Colin gently lifted the pillowed from my head and scooted closer. The darkness hid his face from my sight, but it didn't matter. I knew he was looking at me intently.

The sound of something ruffling in Colin's robe silenced me as he reached into his pocket. "Lover, you always assume things before gathering the facts." He whispered as his hand gripped mine. I tried to pull away, but he forced my palm open and dropped a small object into it. "I was going to save this until after the mission, but as always. you change the plan and throw the horses in the back of the carriage.

"What are you talking about?" I growled as the cold object sat in my palm. It was cylindrical and seemed to be made of metal. Yanking my hand free, I close my fingers around the object and begin to feel it. It was thin and had a large hole in the center. "Is this...?" I whimpered in surprise as he tenderly opened my hand again. "A ring...?"

"Yes lover..." Colin responded as he lifted the ring from my grasp and slid it over my finger. "I told you the day I met you that I wanted you. All these years I've been training you to be the ultimate companion. I was training you to be my life partner, somebody I wouldn't have to fear for in case of an emergency..." I lay in silence as my heart began to flood with emotion. I had no idea what to say, as pain, embarrassment, and love all flushed through me all at once. "Well say something..." Colin whispered to me, "Will you be my husband? Forever and always my eternal companion?"

"But, what about what you said before?" My eyes beginning to water. "You said that our lives were for the order, and you wanted nothing more than to be my partner."

"To hell with what I said," Colin countered with a weak chuckle. "You threw me off guard when you brought up the idea. I panicked and said the first thing I thought would keep you off my trail. I was hoping that if you believed we were to stay the way we were, then you wouldn't think I was planning to propose..."

My heart began to beat faster as a small tear slid down my cheek. The panic that had been coursing me had faded as I felt the ring around my finger. "Y-You really want me, even with my horse moving antics?" I asked, embarrassment staining my cheeks red in the darkness. 

"We've been over this before lover..." Colin whispered in my ear before leaning forward and hugging me. "I told you that I wanted you when I first met you. I'd be a damned moron if I gave you up over some group of old men and their rules! The fact that you're a man makes me even happier."

A soft smile broke over my lips, and I wrapped my arms around him. "I don't know what to say..."

"Then say yes little one." Colin said softly in my ear.

I nodded my head against his shoulder, and he tenderly pulled himself away before pressing his lips to mine. My heart began to race as our kiss lingered on. When we finally pulled away for air, I couldn't help but giggle.

"What are you laughing about little one?" Colin asked as he let out a gruff chuckle.

"I was just thinking about how we're going to have to break the news to Alex!" I responded, continuing to giggle as my heart began to beat faster.

"You're thinking about another man when I'm the one proposing?" Colin responded in mock surprise. My giggle turned into a laugh as he began to take his shirt off. "Then I guess I'll just have to teach your mind not to linger on anything but me then!" He answered before pressing his lips to mine again while taking his pants off.

The page had ended, and when Thomas turned it to continue, he found the page was blank. "What the hell?" He mumbled as he flicked over the next few pages seeing nothing but blank parchment.

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-Asted!