[EDITING]
She was crazy.
Everybody knew that, even she knew herself. From the way her left eye twitched ever so slightly when she was angered. To when her nails dig into her hands leaving crevices of blood indented onto her palm.
She didn't want to...
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There's five stages of grief: 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Frustration 4. Acceptance 5. Peace
Let's just say that number five will never come for me, and I highly doubt that for number four too.
Mrs Grayson's death hit me more than anything, it threw me under the bus, trampled over me again and again, then finally dumped me in the lake.
When Lawson came up to my door this morning at seven, I immediately could feel the sadness from the way his eyes shifted to the ground and his fingers fidgeted with his shirt.
So you notice these things yet nothing else. Right.
It was after I flushed my pill down the toilet when he told me, and so there was nothing that could restrain me from my actions.
I couldn't help it, I lashed out, I accused him of lying to me and messing with my head. Yet Lawson still stood there with regret in his eyes and his head tilted down.
That's when I knew it was no joke, she really was dead. Which brings me to the next stage, anger. I became angry at Lawson for being the one to break it to me, but I knew if it was anybody else I would've really lost it.
That caused me to attack him for telling me the harsh truth. I became so angry at him that I acted out. Needless to say, Lawson is going home with streaks of blood on his cheek and arms.
This all then shifted into anger for myself.
I was angry at the fact that I dare hurt myself under the idea that Mrs Grayson had neglected me. That was never the case, she was unable to come. She had been dead for days yet was only found yesterday.
Slowly I became frustrated with the way things were working out for me. Here I was in a mental institution with the one person close enough to me like a parent is dead. Everything was slowly spiraling down into one big mess and I can do nothing but watch as it happens.
I still cannot accept the fact that she's dead, whether it's for the good or not I'm still unable to comprehend it. My head hangs low, my hand clutching the edge of my bed sheets, when a faint knock taps at the door, I slowly drag my head up.
"Come in." I barely manage to croak out. A familiar mess of brown hair pops through the crack in the door, my face remains stoic as Lawson comes into the room.
"How you holding up?" He questions as he slowly walks towards the bed to sit besides me. My throat gives out a non committal noise and my shoulders lift up in a pathetic shrug.
An arm snakes out wrapping them around my shoulders, pulling me into the embrace of Lawson. His warm body engulfs me as I'm crushed to his side, not wanting to fight it I give in and let my head rest on his shoulder. A heaving sob escapes my lips, my body shakes as tears stream down my cheeks.
I could slowly feel myself come to terms with what's happened, though it isn't acceptance i'm still allowing myself to just feel. Not stay the emotionless girl that everyone perceives me as, not the psychotic crazy girl. Just a human being that's upset over the loss of a loved one.
Lawson keeps quiet but his hand that is stroking my back let's me know that he is still here for me. With blurry vision I look up at his face, I never noticed how handsome he really was. He looks back down at me with a faint smile on his face, in this moment I decide to just screw it.
Slowly lifting my head up, my nose barely grazes his and Lawson removes his hand from my back to cup my cheek. With his thumb he gently wipes off the tears left on my face and ever so slowly brings my face towards his. Our noses bump into each other and we recoil, both of us laughing silently under our breath.
Snaking my hand around his neck I bring his face closer and gaze up at him through my lashes. My breathing becomes more labored and my eyes shut involuntarily.
It was soft at first, barely there as our lips caress each other. Eventually our lips molded into one and the intensity built up. We're so in sync that there is no need for awkward pauses, his teeth softly clamp onto my bottom lip, which in return causes me to let out a tender moan.
Using that to his advantage, Lawson slips his tongue into my mouth and our tongues battle for dominance. He gives up letting me take control, his hands rest on my waist and lift me up to straddle his lap.
In due course, we both break apart to allow us to consume oxygen rather than each other. Lawson's eyes appear wide and dazed as he peers up at me in astonishment.
"Wow. I'm going to assume this is a one time thing right? I know you're about the whole 'no strings attached' kind of thing. It's not like I mind, I mean my love life is practically non-existent and I-" I cut him off with another chaste kiss on the lips.
"Just enjoy it in the moment." I breathe against his mouth. Lawson hums in agreement and eagerly presses his lips back onto mine. I let out a chuckle at his eagerness and continue to kiss him back.
In this moment, Lawson was a distraction. A distraction from the loss of Mrs Grayson. A distraction from the lack of parental figures in my life. A distraction from the tragedy that is my life. So I let it go on; I let him distract me because I know: just as much as he is a distraction for me...
I was a distraction for him too.
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A/N: Sorry for the LOOOOOOONG time I took to update. From India it's been hectic coming back as my uncle passed on the same day I was returning then school overtook me. So I'm sorry sorry so muchhh! It's also Ramadan! Ramadan Kareem to those of you who participate :)
