Every Last Piece

chapter eighteen

I skip two stop signs, nearly blow a red light, and get to Golden Dawn in less than ten minutes. The Blues' trailers are obscured by the shadows of the trees. I park outside, and shouts echo from around the back. Heart pounding, I hurry past the firepit, a pile of kindling, and an axe to the back of the trailer. When I see them, I freeze.

Garnett is holding Carson back by his arms while Lucas knees him right in the gut.

"Hey! What the hell are you doing?" I shove Lucas, and Garnett throws Carson on the ground. Carson coughs and scrambles to his feet. A fat bruise forms on his cheek, and blood drips from his swollen lip.

"Jill, go away." Carson spits on the ground. "Please."

"Better listen, Jillian," Garnett warns. "This isn't your business."

"It is my damn business." I put myself between them, standing in front of Carson with my fists balled. Pretty dumb, considering I'm smaller than all three of them, but I won't back down. Carson's brothers are dicks, but they're not going to lay their hands on a girl.

"You have no idea what's going on here, Jill," Lucas says. "So back off and stay out of my family's business."

"I'm not letting you hurt him."

"Real heroic." Before I have the chance to react, Lucas's arm snakes past me. I jump out of the way. Lucas grabs Carson's hand and pries something out of it.

A bag of white powder explodes all over the dirt.

"What the hell, man?" Carson pushes Lucas. "That was like a hundred bucks!" Then he looks at me and opens his mouth to say something, but not a peep comes out. Guilt takes over Carson's face.

No.

"There." Lucas glares at me. "What you interrupted was us trying to get this off him. Think you can do a better job of keeping him clean? Be my guest, but if you think you can save him or something, you're fucked in the head, Jill. He won't stop. He never will."

Garnett grabs Lucas's shoulder and turns him away. "It's done, Luke. Let's go."

I don't know how long the silence lasts. Enough for Garnett and Lucas to get into their truck and disappear. Enough for me to finally process what this means, and it's a punch straight to the gut. I want to cry and yell—not at Carson, at myself. For being such a naive, stupid idiot again. Of course he's still using. All the signs were right there in my face.

A blend of anger, confusion, and sadness rips through me, but all I can think to say is: "You were supposed to come over for movies and hang out with my cousin and me. We were waiting for you."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to let you down." Carson's voice is quiet, swollen with shame. At least he isn't insulting me by lying.

Tears burn, but I grip his face with both my hands and force him to look at me. My reflection stares back at me in the glassy surface of his eyes. I look pathetic and pleading. I let him go and cross my arms.

"Carson, I'm trying to understand here, but why would you do this to yourself? You were doing so well, I don't get it."

He says nothing, just kicks at the dirt like a guilty little boy.

"Can you at least tell me why? I'm hurt you'd blow off me and my family for this. How long have you been using?"

"I haven't been, I swear. Just got this today." Carson sucks in a breath and steps closer to me. I step back. Tears well up in his eyes; his shade of brown is normally beautiful, but right now they're like mud on a rainy day. I feel betrayed.

"Why?" I ask.

"Just, the way I've been feeling for the past week—it sucks, Jill. I wanted to feel... something. I wanted to feel alive. Not dead inside."