Popstar- Vikklan [The Pack Ships]

●☆Chapter 34☆●

I understood what I had to do to change, to fight my way out of the cycle of trauma and hate of myself and nightmares and terror. I had to do things that would stop all of that, I had to get myself back but to do that I also had to pull Lachlan out of it as well.

Without Lachlan I knew I wouldn't be able to do it, he was the only thing keeping me going and if I stopped falling victim to the nightmares and panic then I would feel so guilty. Lachlan deserved to be out of it as much as I did and I knew we had to do it together. It was the only way.

Talking to Lachlan about it was one of the most difficult things I had ever done in my life, even above everything else that had happened. I was shaking and I couldn't even think straight, but somehow I got through it.

"We need to do something Lachlan, we need to change something to end the cycle." He listened to me but looked unconvinced, his brow furrowed. "Neither of us want to have nightmares or panic attacks, I know you don't want to disassociate anymore."

"No." He admitted. "I don't."

"But what we keep doing... it's keeping the cycle going, it means that Dylan's winning and he'll keep haunting us. We have to make it stop."

Something in his eyes told me that now he was starting to come around to the idea, he wanted what I did and I knew, I knew, that he didn't want to reinforce the cycle again. He wanted to change as much as I did, but just didn't know how to do it.

"I- I want to change." He said, almost sheepishly, rubbing his hand up and down his arm as a bit of a distraction. "I want to stop it, I don't want to be like this anymore. But what can we do? This isn't something I can just... get over. I don't think I'll ever get over it."

I smiled but it flickered, I knew how much he was hurting.

"I know. I know neither of us will ever get over this but we can try to fight to win against him. I want change, you want change, we both want to feel better. But to do that we have to change ourselves rather than waiting for it to change for us."

I saw the emotions flickering behind his eyes, the conflicting ones but something told me he knew that what I was saying was right. I knew that it was all we could do if we wanted it to get better and god damn I was going to try my hardest to make it better. For both of us.

"No matter what comes, I'll always love you." I brushed his hair out of his eyes, looking into those bright blue eyes that had so encapsulated my heart when I first met him standing at mine, Preston and Rob's meeting spot. I knew I had fallen for him that day, no matter how much I had tried to deny it, and I still loved him now.

And finally I kissed him again. I remembered our first kiss, our desperate declaration of love as Dylan tried to tear us apart, but our love had blossomed into something wonderful. My lips touched his, soft and beautiful and passionate and I felt the love he held, just as much as he must have felt the love I held for him.

"I love you." Lachlan gasped, taking a breath for air before we kissed again. "I'll always love you."

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Lachlan's fingers intertwined with mine, just as he swung his and my arms back and forth like a child. Around us brown leaves fell from the trees in the autumn wind and for the first time in quite a while we were out of the house, just for the fun of it.

It was almost two years on from when Dylan had destroyed our lives and although the first few months we had ground to a stand still, after the two of us had been so determined to move things along it had changed a lot. Things weren't perfect, but for us the only thing that mattered was that we were together.

Some of the childish personality had been sneaking back into Lachlan's character for quite a while now, now that he was less worried about Dylan's attack on his mind and thoughts. He was less uptight and scared all the time, he barely disassociated anymore. It still happened, but he couldn't help it after all.

"Alright sweetheart?" I asked, noticing the tip of his nose had gone very red with the wind and the cold. He nodded happily, his lips curving up into a sweet smile.

"I'm fine Vikk." He swung my hand back and forth again, changing our direction so we were heading back towards the house. We had moved from my apartment, paid for by my parents, to a nice house on the outskirts of the city. It was small, only one bedroom, but it was nice and it was comfortable just with the two of us.

I paid for it myself of course, the money I made from the songs I created as Starboy was enough and Lachlan was learning to help with the editing, which he loved. We were comfortable as ourselves, making our own money through my songs and it was nice being able to support ourselves.

I knew that I had changed. I wasn't that little boy because bullied by Dylan and tricked by Simon but I also wasn't that boy who was utterly shattered by Dylan's words and actions. I was stronger, more confident, happier and most surprising of all I felt like myself for the first time in my life.

Speaking of Simon, he was out of jail. He served 12 of the 18 months before he was released and I didn't bother to appeal it because technically I had the right to stop him from getting out if I wanted to. I didn't, because I knew he had served his time and regretted his actions. He had shown that nearly two years ago when he saved us.

Dylan... was still in prison. His sentence had been extended by several years at least after a few rounds of bad behaviour, he had attacked a guard and several other inmates and even though I felt bad for whoever he had attacked I felt grateful because it meant he would spend that much longer behind bars.

The two of us were about to leave the park when Lachlan tore himself away from me, running to jump in a pile of leaves. He squealed like a child and I watched him, sneakily snapping a photo of the boy to post on Starboy's Instagram.

The other thing was, Lachlan's face was up on the internet for all of my fans to see as well. After almost a year of convincing and fans begging for them to see the boy in the first photo of my face I had ever posted he finally agreed. He was out there, more confident and happy than ever.

Preston and Rob well... they were still together. They were both still little kids, both happy and loving and they barely left each others side. Both of them were game developers, finding their passion for gaming had worked out into amazing jobs that allowed them wonderful lives. We kept in contact and although we had somewhat drifted apart, they were still close friends.

Mitch and Jerome on the other hand, we hadn't seen in quite a while. The last time I saw them was in a chance meeting in a coffee shop and at only 20 years old they were doing quite well for themselves. I had seen their hands twined together and made the only assumption I could, that the tension between them had finally gone and they had admitted their feelings for each other. We didn't talk, but I knew that they were going alright.

And Lachlan and I were still together, of course. Our relationship had grown stronger and our bond had grown tighter, I knew we would never be apart because of our shared experiences and now our closeness that would never break.

I giggled as Lachlan continued to jump in the leaves, throwing some of them up in the air like a child, actually like the child he was. Eventually I had to intervene because he was going to get sick if he continued to play in the leaves and the water that came from them. I took his hand, leading him home.

He pouted but let me lead him home, his hand squeezing mine.

"Love you little Lachy." I whispered, giggling as he stuck his bottom lip out at the nickname. He leaned on me and picked me up, inferring that I was little, so it took it back out on him by calling him little. He was younger than me after all. He stuck his tongue out.

"I love you too." He smiled, hugging me back as I wrapped my arms around his waist. "Thank you. For everything."