Popstar- Vikklan [The Pack Ships]

●☆Chapter 32☆●

I invited both boys inside and Rob just kept bouncing, Preston trying to keep his boyfriend from jumping at me. He, Preston, kept giving me glances every few seconds and I saw quite a few emotions reflected in his eyes when he looked at me, excitement, confusion, confliction and uncertainty.

I knew they were both thinking about the photo I had posted and as I flopped down on the couch, with Lachlan sitting down by my side, all of the words started spewing from Rob. Question after question, he was both excited and curious.

"Is it really true? Are you really Starboy?" I nodded, rubbing the inside of my wrist nervously. Lachlan leaned up against me and started massaging my shoulder comfortingly, knowing that I was uncomfortable and didn't really want to answer his questions.

Preston had clearly noticed my discomfort because he whispered something in the boys ear and he stopped bouncing, calming down for a few seconds to think.

"Why now?" Preston asked, very hushed. "Why not before, why not later?"

"Because I finally feel like I want to do something." I mumbled, having to think very hard about the question. "Without what happened maybe I would have never shown my face but now... now I feel like it's something I'm okay with doing. I'm okay with them knowing and I want to move my life forwards."

Preston nodded and Rob opened his mouth to ask another question, but closed it again, thinking.

Over a period of time, all of the details came out in our conversation with Rob and Preston. Soon they knew almost everything in terms of who I was and my decision to come out and show my face on social media. They also knew why Lachlan's face was hidden, and our choice to keep him out of the spotlight.

But still, I hadn't checked my social media. The two boys left after a couple of hours and Lachlan and I took a breather. After all, it was one of the only human interactions we had had with, well, anyone since.... the incident.

Lachlan bought up the idea of looking at the comments after another hour, while the two of us were lying on my bed upstairs, tired and barely able to move. He rolled over and made eye contact with me, reaching out to take ahold of my hand.

"Do you wanna look at the photo now?" He asked, worrying his lip. He was scared, I could tell, now that he was working himself up about what the reactions might be, mostly if someone had worked out that it was him because that was the thing he was most afraid of.

"Yeah, come here." I held my hands out for him and he crawled into my lap, settling back against me as I opened my phone and went onto my social media. There were hundreds upon hundreds of notifications, comments, likes, retweets, but from the first ones comments I saw, the most popular ones, the reaction was overwhelmingly positive.

A lot of people were squealing about how cute I was, how they were so happy that I revealed my face, oh my god was I kissing a guy did that mean I was gay? I smiled to myself. There was a lot of discussing who the mysterious boy was, but no one knew.

"See Lachlan." I said, tilting my phone so he could read it without straining his neck. "No one knows. They don't know who you are and well.... they seem to love that I've revealed my face."

He smiled, pointing out some of the really sweet comments as I continued to scroll down. I saw the smile on his face and I knew it was alright, no one knew about him, everyone seemed to be supporting me and for the first time in what felt like forever, I felt happy. I felt content.

With Lachlan beside me I felt comfortable and relaxed, the demons didn't plague me and Dylan didn't control my thoughts. Even though both of us found it difficult to cope, sometimes it barely seemed like we were going to get by, but somehow we did it. Even though neither of us wanted it at times, we survived. We pulled through.

I didn't mean to bring up the topic, it was by complete accident, and Lachlan's body language told me everything.

"Hey Lachy?" I asked, barely thinking about what I was saying. "Have you ever thought about suicide?"

He went white as a sheet of paper and went to get up, to take some time and move away from me, but of course I had to go and fuck it up again.

"Have you?" He physically jerked but that question stopped him from leaving because he looked like he was either going to be sick or faint. He shuddered and sat back on the bed, looking away from me and refusing to look me in the eyes.

But still, I was genuinely curious. I had considered taking my life on several occasions but that was before Lachlan, before he arrived in America, when Dylan's bullying was horrific and Simon's betrayal made me want to dig a razor into my skin.

But since Lachlan's arrival and even after what happened, I had never even thought about it. My mind had been so plagued with nightmares and thoughts of protecting Lachlan that I had never considered it because my only thoughts were for him.

No matter how numb I had felt, or even when I was desperate enough to try, I had never thought about it. Lachlan had seemed far more important and if I left, then who would look after him? He was traumatised, neither his parents or anyone else understood and if left then that might leave him in a position desperate enough to follow me.

"Yes." He said, sounding almost disgusted with himself. "I've... I've considered it. I've tried."

I blinked, startled at the new revelation. He had never mentioned that he had tried to take his own life, not to me or anyone else I knew.

"You've... tried to take your own life?" I was so surprised that I couldn't feel anything else, not anger or fear or shock.

"Mhm. It was a couple of days after we got released from hospital... I had a rope in my hands and I... I was so desperate that I was so close to doing it but then I thought of you." He sighed, sounding monotone but also on the verge of bursting into tears. "If I left... then who would be there for you?"

It sounded like we had the same reasons for still being here.