Saving Lila (cancelled)

Chapter 10

Chapter 10: 

One hour, one hour, one hour. The one phrase was being repeated in my mind over and over again as I rushed to get the pills and alcohol. 

I sprinted to my parents' alcohol cabinet and grabbed a bottle of vodka. As soon as I grabbed the bottle of dangerous liquid, a wave of dizziness and exhausted hit me. 

I was to weak and malnourished for any energy being exerted, and at the moment, I was pushing my limits. I didn't care though, I had a mission to accomplish. 

I ran to the lower level bathroom, searching all through the cabinets, only to find nothing. By then there were now black spots appearing in my vision. 

I ran to the upper bathroom next, my breathes coming in quick shallow pants as more and more black spots crowded my vision. 

By the time I had reached the bathroom by my room, darkness consumed me, the last thing I was able to gather was the crash of the glass bottle, and then followed by the sound of my own body collapsing to the ground.

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Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

My eyes seemed to be glued shut, as I tried to force them open, but all attempts failed me. The beeps of a monitor was the only thing I could comprehend at the moment. 

There was a throbbing in my head, and a churning of my stomach. In the palm of my hand, I was holding something. I didn't know what it was, but it was warm and comforting. 

Using all the strengths I could muster, I squeezed whatever was in my hand tightly, and I repeated this gesture a few times.

An audible gasp was heard, followed by yelling, and from what I could gather, whoever it was, they were calling for a doctor. 

Feeling more strength course through my body, I was finally able to open my eyes, only to close them soon after due to the harsh light that greeted me. I tried a few times, and blinked repeatedly till I had finally been able to get used to the lighting.

I was in a small white room, a monitor beeping next to me, and an IV sticking in my arm. I was in the hospital.

When I looked down, a hand was in mine, and thinking about it, the hand had never let go of mine. 

Tracing the hand to the body of the person, my eyes met Ryder's. He was here, and next to him was Amy.

They both looked tired and worn out. Ryder wore a 5 o'clock shadow, with his hair sticking up in random places. Amy had her hair in a loose braid, with strands of hair sticking out, along with her makeup being smeared all over. 

I opened my mouth to speak, but I was interrupted by the doctor strolling in through the door. 

"Ahh, Lila. It's good to see you awake. Do you remember what happened?" The doctor asked.

I shook my head no, even though I remembered vividly what had happened. I had been on a mission to take my life, and I failed.

"Well Lila, you passed out due to malnourishment. Your body was worked out and pushed passed its limits and it caused you to start shutting down. It seemed as though you hadn't eaten for a few weeks." The doctor said, looking at me sadly. 

Keeping a straight face, I turned to Amy and Ryder. They both had looks of pity. They knew. 

"Lila, ever since I met you, I hadn't seen you eat once." Ryder said.

"And when we found you, we saw the scars. Lila we know you are anorexic and that you self-harm." Amy adds, tearing up just by saying it. 

My heart panged, not because I felt bad that she was sad, no definitely not that. My heart panged as I saw the looks of pity they threw at me. They looked at me as if I was broken, fragile. My facade was now able to be translated, and I felt exposed. 

I didn't want them to pity me, I wanted them to understand. I did this to make myself pretty, I did this to make myself skinny, I did this to make myself perfect, but I haven’t accomplished that.

I'm still ugly, I'm still fat, and I’m not even close to being perfect. I failed, I fail everything. The only way out of this is to kill myself once in for all, but that won’t happen until I get out of this hospital. 

I placed a straight face on again as I turned to the doctor. 

"When can I leave?" I asked with monotone voice. 

The doctor seemed surprised by my answer, but then replied, "Well, you see, Lila you can't go home. You are unstable right now. We have admitted you to a mental hospital where you will learn to deal with your depression and overcome you anorexia and depression. They will take good care of you there."

At that news, I couldn’t hold back anymore. I flipped.

I started screaming my head off, ripping the IV and all the tubes attached to me off. Hands tried to grab me but I fought back, hitting, screaming, pushing, and even biting. 

I fought to get out of the bed and out of the hospitals, but more and more hands came at me, holding me down, but I didn't stop there. I had a fight in me that I never knew was able to exist in me. 

It wasn't until I felt a prick of a needle in my neck that I stopped fighting. Whatever drug they injected me with quickly began to course through my body, and soon enough, I was forced into sleep.