Soulmates [SaguKai]

Chapter 4

It's been two months since Saguru moved back to England and started his education there.

It's been two months since that thing happened and he refused to let anyone see how much depressed he was.

He started picking up the blades, slashing it on his wrists, watching the blood trail down his milky skin and to the floor of his bathroom, wondering if this is how it feels for the people who had suicide when they were still living. He laughed, heart empty.

Days after days and it started to get even worse. He started to slash his thighs and his hips more frequently, not wanting anyone to see that he self-harmed.

Who would've thought that Hakuba Saguru would self harm as a disgusting way of coping with the numbing pain that started to make Saguru a living corpse?

Him, a noble man, detective, son of a great superintendent police chief, a top student in school, a very filial son self harmed just because his soulmate rejected him. What a pathetic loser.

Saguru wouldn't tell anyone, but his sight of colour was starting to fade to grey ashes, black and white but he bottled it all down. He will keep continue to do so until the day he dies.

The growing pain was starting to drive Saguru to the brink of insanity. He kept hearing voices whenever he picked up the blades, telling him repeatedly to just end his life.

His father never cared. He's a disgrace for having a criminal as a soulmate. Even though he didn't specifically tell him that but Saguru knew he'd be disappointed of him.

His mother was constantly busy even though he knew she cares about him but he didn't want to be a burden to her. She would go out with her friends for tea party or a lady's meetings and Saguru felt bad to interrupt her for something that he can handle himself.

His baaya called but she's not here to always talk to him. She's been busy as well so Saguru didn't want to burden her either. Whenever she asked him if he was okay, he'll just faked a cheery smile and excitement saying that he's absolutely fine.

Aoko sometimes texted him, telling him that Kaito and her are going out on dates which would made Saguru went into a massive mental breakdown.

He would stare at the lovey dovey pictures on his phone before soundlessly went to the bathroom and held the blades in his hand.

His heart kept shattering to million pieces but he just smiled everyday until it was carved on his face.

Apparently, he's now a better actor and liar than he was before, hiding his emotions and expressions well.

Kaito..

He never once tried to call him again after that incident which made Saguru both relieved and heartbroken.

He was destroying himself silently in the dark where no one is looking at him behind that mask he put on. Saguru was fine. He's absolutely fine.

Today had been a very bad day for him. When he woke up in the morning, he already felt it in his bones that today is gonna be the most shittiest day ever.

His hands were trembling as he staggered to the bathroom to shower. His sight was entirely grey, black and white. His eyesight was getting worse and more worse than before.

He sighed as he dressed himself up warmly. He felt extremely cold and his heart felt heavy, he doesn't even know why and it kinda made him feel a little unease. He walked to the dining room and smiled at his mother, schooling his expression as soft and sweet.

They ate breakfast but Saguru felt his appetite disappeared as he looked at the food though he ate still just to be polite.

His stomach felt queazy but he ignored it as he went to school, putting a fake mask, smiling widely at everyone as he walked to his classroom for his first lesson, Chemistry.

He was starting to go crazy because he kept seeing shadows moving and whispers of insults and death threats to him that seemed like it came out of nowhere.

He ignored it the best he could throughout the entire school session until the last bell of the day rang, signaling everyone to go home.

Kill yourself.

You have nothing to live for.

No one cares about you.

Just grab the blade as soon as you get home and stab yourself.

Do us all a favour and die, Saguru. No one wants you here.

Not even your soulmate.

Especially not you soulmate.

Those last two sentence literally crushed every bit of hope and sanity left in him as he went to his room as soon as he got home.

He locked himself in the bathroom, frantically taping the door with a strong tape from the top to the bottom before grabbing the blades and slashed everywhere on his body as much as he could until his brain was satisfied with it.

He saw a bottle of sleeping pills and grab it, pouring the pills into his mouth and swallowed it with water. He tried not to make a sound as he hit himself against the wall with his head.

He could feel the warm blood trailing down his head to his face before he stood up like a zombie and stared at the reflection of himself at the mirror before smiling genuinely at the sight for the first time in two months.

Please let me die.. Saguru thought inside his head desperately. Let me end this pain once and for all. I want to end it all. Please, he begged to no one.

The smile had turned into a frown when his vision started to have dark spots on it, his breathing was shallow and quick.

He hummed a song softly before reaching out to write on the mirror with his own blood. Kanji, something his mother nor anyone in this household except for him, his father and baaya had learnt. Too hard to understand, they said.

I will always love you, Kuroba Kaito. I hope you're happy now.

He drew a smiley face at the end before staggering backwards in dizziness before collapsing on the cold tiles of his bathroom floor with a sick thump.