Not enough time left for me

Saddened

Trixies pov:
Sometimes I feel like the universe is against me, like whenever i finally find something to make me happy it gets taken away from me.

I don't want to sound selfish or anything it's just I don't want Katya to leave me. She's the only friend that I've truly made and now that she's mine it makes it harder for me to think that she's gonna be gone for half of the day.

It did make me happy to see how excited Katya was for today. She could barely stay in one spot for long. It was just hard for me to think of the pros instead of the cons.

"Trixie babyyyy, I see that sad face of yours...don't be sad" I felt her softly cup my face in my hands and I looked into her bright green eyes. God it keeps getting harder and harder to believe she's gonna be gone soon.

"It's hard for me...not only are you gonna be out of it for weeks...but after that I won't have my morning snuggles...I won't be able to have breakfast with you...I'm just gonna be..by myself..." I sighed looking down. It's all really hitting me hard, and it's taking all of me not to hold her captive and stay with me forever.

"I know baby...it's gonna suck for me too without you...I'm gonna miss waking up next to you and seeing that bright smile in the morning...but this is my chance to go back and do all the other stuff I couldn't...but I promise one day that you'll be with me all the time...by my side..." she tilted my face up to reveal the soft blush I had on my face.

"Doubt it...you just got lucky...I've been here for years and not one person has bothered donating to me...but that doesn't matter...today is your day and I won't bring your spirits down.." I hugged her tightly and shoved my face in her shoulder. I don't want to let her go, I feel like this is too soon.

"Don't say that trix...I can feel it...before you know it you'll get to see the beautiful LA lights at night..and do all the fun things you've always wanted to do..." I felt her kiss my head making me smile a bit. Katya does give me hope a lot, yet I always have a feeling that hope never works.

I heard someone knock on the door and we looked over to see another nurse smiling over at us.

"Katya honey it's time, cmon now" Katya nodded and looked at me giving me a loving smile.

"Promise me you'll be by my side after this...I wanna wake up to you next to me..." I nodded holding back my tears as she gave me a passionate kiss.

"I promise...I never want you to be alone...I pray that everything goes well..." I whispered before we both embraced each other tightly one last time.

"I do too...no matter what happens I love you more then anything..." god she really knows how to make me show my emotions.

"I love you so damn much...your the best thing that's ever happened to me..." I sniffed not able to keep it in any longer. Thoughts were spinning in my head and all the 'what ifs' came out.

"Don't cry baby...I'll be out before you know it...and we'll be happier..it's hard to leave you with you being all sadddd" we pulled away and she pouted seeing the tears stream down my face.

"I-I couldn't hold it in any long I-im sorry...don't worry about me baby...b-but you should get going..." I sniffed wiping away a couple tears. Katya gave me a soft kiss before heading out. She turned to me and smiled blowing me a kiss.

"I love you so much Tracy...with all your moving parts..." and just like that she disappeared. I felt like all my emotions were flowing cause I just started sobbing right then and there.

All the worst possible scenarios kept playing over and over in my head, and it wasn't helping my anxiety at all. I eventually just curled myself up in a ball wrapping myself in a blanket and cried. I felt like the emotions I feel now are just too unbearable and I wanted them to go away.

I felt a hand softly rub my back and it was very soothing. I calmed down to the point where I was silently crying and I had the occasional sniffle or hiccup. I looked over to see that it was my mom looking at me sadly.

"Someone told me you were crying down here...and I couldn't just let you be alone and hurt yourself...so I had someone else fill in for me...now cmere sweetie.." she held her arms out and I instantly climbed into them just hugging her tightly.

"T-thank you....I-I love y-you so m-much..." I felt her softly stroke my hair as more silent tears fell.

"Shhh it's ok honey...everything's gonna be ok...there's no need to thank me...it's my duty..." after a while I calmed down completely with red eyes and dried tears on my cheeks. My mom ended up washing my face a bit with a washcloth so I didn't look too much of a mess.

"I feel so drained...I have no more tears left...and I'm so empty..." I mumbled as I had my head on my moms chest while she braided my hair to get it out of my face.

"Crying does take a lot out of you...but I'm sure with a little bit of food and water in your system you'll feel better..." I nodded as she finished up my braid by tying the end of it and got up.

"You stay here and make yourself comfortable while I get you some food alright baby?" I nodded again as she went out and I sat in silence in my room.

I laid there praying and just hoping that everything was going to be ok. I've never felt this nervous about anything before and it really was making me a nervous wreck. And if this is what a nervous wreck feels like all the time then I absolutely hate it.

For the rest of the night my mom stayed with me and really helped calm me down and vent out all my emotions. But what was the best is for dessert she surprised me with a little cupcake from the cafeteria which was awesome.

I didn't think I would be able to sleep tonight but my mom talked to some of the other nurses and found out that Katya was completely find and it was successful. I went to sleep with a small smile on my face as I held one of the blankets that smelt like Katya close to me.

She got her life back, but when am I gonna get mine...