Shatter Me- Olivia Benson

Go away, I need you ❤

He sat by her side, his eyes never wavering from her face. She looked so peaceful like she was just sleeping. But he also couldn't forget the horrible scene that occurred in that bathroom just yesterday.

He should have never left alone. He knows that now. He regrets it now.

"How is she?" A voice floating into the room asked. He looked over, seeing Don standing in the doorway with a bouquet of flowers.

"About as good as she can be right now. She lost a lot of blood." He whispered.

"She's a fighter, Elliot."

"I shouldn't have left her alone Don, what kind of friend am I?" Elliot  whispered, tears prickling his eyes as his voice cracked.

Don walked over, wrapping his arms around the detective. "It was a mistake Elliot, we all make them."

"But this one almost costed Olivia her life!"

"Olivia made that choice, she's not in a good place right now. Let me ask you, are you in love with her Elliot?"

"I can't explain it Don, I filed for divorce this morning. Kathy and I have been out of love for a while and when I'm around Olivia, its like a breath of fresh air."

"Olivia won't admit her feelings but by just watching you guys. This was only a matter of time."

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"El?" She croaked. The blurry hospital room clearing in her vision.

"I'm right here Liv."

"Where am I?"

"You're in the hospital, you lost a lot of blood." He answered, his voice cracking at the end.

Her mocha brown eyes stared into his, "why didn't you let me die?" She asked sadly.

"You don't mean that Liv"

"Yes, I do, why didn't you?"

"Because what you are feeling now, you won't feel like this forever I promise you."

"El, please..... "she pleaded. She didn't know what she was pleading for but he could guess.

"I'm not gonna let you do this to yourself.  I love you Liv."

Olivia was speechless. "You what???"

"I love you, Olivia Benson, I have for a long time."

"Elliot, are you crazy? You're married!"

"No I'm not, well it's not official yet but I filed for divorce"

"Oh great, now I'm ruining your marriage too" she quipped.

"No your not, Kathy and I fell out of love a long time ago. I've been trying to deny what I have felt for so long, but especially after almost losing you, I realized I couldn't deny any longer."

"Elliot, you don't want this. You don't want me, someone so broken. The nightmares, who wants to kill herself every minute."

"I want it all Liv, I'm going to help you."

"No Elliot! I'm not going to let yourself get dragged into my mess."

"Don't shut me out, please Liv."

"When can I get out of here?"

"Not sure, they are preparing a room on 5th floor for you."

"5th floor? Psychiatric ward?" She whispered.

"I'm sorry....."

"No your not" she snapped

"Next time might be too late, we are not taking a risk."

"Please leave" she whispered and his heart broke. There she was, pushing him away to protect herself. Like she always was doing.

"Liv..."

"Please, I just can't right now."

He understood, she needed time. He knew she was safe and headed out of the room, going to update the group of people that still lingered in the waiting room. Most of the squad had gone home but Alex, Don, and Finn still stayed put.

The group went down to the cafeteria, taking a seat in a round booth as they dug into their food. They all wanted to ask Elliot what went on in that hospital room, they needed to hear from him

"What happened?" Alex asked having been the one to break the silence.

"She kicked me out when she found out she wasn't going home."

"Sounds like Liv" she quipped back making everyone lightly laugh.

"She needs to stay here and try and get better. None of us saw this coming Alex, her pregnancy was going amazing.  her doctor even commented that it was going amazing for a woman her age."

"It seemed like it was" Alex agreed. She could see every time Olivia talked about her daughter and ran her hand over or candled her bump, just how excited she was. But she could also see the underlining anxiety she had at getting so attached and now she knew why. Olivia was like a sister to her and it hurt her to see her so broken and shattered and she didn't know what to do besides just being there for her.

They finished up their meals and parted ways. Alex had court in the morning and cragen still had a squad to run. Elliot arrived back at her room, poking his head inside the door to check and see if she had fallen asleep.

"I thought I kicked you out," she whispered. Elliot sighed and shut the door behind him before taking a seat back in the chair.

"Liv, stop trying to push me away."

"FUCK ELLIOT! DONT YOU GET IT? IM TRYING TO PROTECT YOU!"

"From what?"

"From me, from the fuck up I am! Bad stuff always happens to me and I don't need to drag you with it."

"Liv, you are not a fuck up, not even close. No, we don't know how this happened but its nothing you did. I'm not going anywhere Olivia, nothing you do can ever push me away."

She wanted to believe he would never leave, she wanted that with every fiber of her being. But everyone always left her, why would now be any different?

She started out the window, trying to block out that he was right next to her. Her head felt like a whirlwind of emotions she couldn't escape from. She loved him too, but she would never say that out loud. She needed to protect them both.

A few hours later, Don poked his head through the door.

"We have a case" he whispered.