To This Day

Chapter Six: Chemical Attraction

This piqued Maya's interest even more. "Only casual as in dating but not quite serious yet, or casual as in friends with benefits, no strings attached hook-ups?"

"The latter."

"And here I was thinking you were a no-sex-unless-you're-in-love kinda gal," Maya said, her pride visibly growing. "So, how long has it been going on?"

I rolled my eyes, but it was nice to tell someone about it, and Maya was far more experienced in casual dating than me. Plus, a part of me just wanted to get to brag about how I was getting to hook up with someone like Carter. So, I explained everything: how he'd invited himself over for Thanksgiving, the kiss, and its consequences.

Gradually, I watched Maya's expression lose some of its excitement, shifting to something more somber.

"What is it?" I asked when I finished my explanation.

"It's just... you loved him, right? So, you've obviously got this chemistry now and with your history, it wouldn't be difficult for you to develop feelings for him again," she said carefully.

I frowned. Between Alice and Maya, I'd expected Maya to be the supportive one, not the one talking about feelings.

"It's not like that," I insisted. "It's just a... chemical attraction, that's all. Neither of us are expecting any more than that; I mean, he's still seeing Grace. Plus, I'm free to date other people, too."

"I just don't want you to get hurt," Maya replied softly. "It seems like a risk."

"Yeah, well, I take risks. I came all the way over here away from everything and everyone I knew, remember." I didn't mean to get defensive because I knew Maya was only looking out for me, but I couldn't help it. People often assumed that just because I was fairly quiet and introverted I was also scared to be bold. I leveled my voice, adding, "I know what you mean, though. This is different. Usually when I take risks carefully planned and calculated to reduce the risk factor as much as I can. This is uncharted territory; it's exciting and fun and for once I'm enjoying not thinking everything through."

Maya gave me a small smile. "I get that. Are you going to tell Alice?"

Part of me was reluctant; even though Maya had taken it pretty well, I wasn't sure what Alice would say. Plus, the more people who knew about Carter and me, regardless of who they were, the more pressure there seemed to be on us. But Alice was my friend and, like Maya, she only wanted me to be happy. And I was happy with Carter.

"I'll tell her when she's back from Sam's," I replied. "At least with you guys knowing it makes the whole sneaking around thing a whole lot easier."

In a way, I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders after talking about Carter with Maya. I'd felt bad lying to them before and I did enjoy gushing about how the Thanksgiving kiss was the best kiss of my life by far. But later, when I was lying in bed trying to sleep, I couldn't help but replay her words in my head.

It wouldn't be difficult for you to develop feelings for him again.

The more I thought about it, I began to realise that she was right. We weren't technically exes, but I had loved him, and if I heard of someone being in a no strings attached relationship with an ex, I'd think they were delusional. I remembered the way my heart had sunk when I saw Grace's name on his phone back on Thanksgiving. I'd told myself it was because I didn't want to do get involved with their non-exclusive dynamic, but was that just an excuse for jealousy?

I sighed heavily, rolling over and grabbing my phone. Carter hadn't texted me since he left in a hurry earlier. A tiny voice in the back of my mind asked if that's because he'd been with Grace, or someone else entirely, but I pushed it away. What did I care? I didn't have feelings for him. I thought he was hot (because who wouldn't?) and we got on as friends, but there was nothing romantic there.

Suddenly, my phone lit up in my hand. My heart skipped a beat as I opened the notification. One new message from Carter.

Hey Syd, sorry for rushing out so quickly earlier (you looked very hot in my t-shirt and it took a lot of self-control to keep my hands off you) I hope I can see you again soon

As I read it, I felt myself blush at the compliment. Then, another message appeared.

How's Tuesday?

Smiling, I typed back, Tuesday sounds great.

Carter's reply was instant, and I couldn't help but picture him lying in his own bed, maybe even smiling at his own phone the way I was.

I can't wait. Seriously. You're all I can think about recently, it's very distracting.

My stomach fluttered with butterflies as I read his words. I yawned, but I was reluctant to put my phone down. I'd texted other boys before, but it had never felt like this. It had never felt thrilling and alluring and comfortable all at once, in a way that made me want to stay up all night just so the conversation didn't have to end.

And, just like that, it hit me.

Oh, fuck.

Maya was right, obviously. Just like Michael was right before her.

I had feelings for Carter. The more I thought about it, the more painfully obvious it became. I had major, all-consuming feelings for Carter Pearson.