she doesn't mean it

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billie left about 3 hours ago. I don't even know who she left with I just know it's with some of her friends to a party. she just told me that she would be back. i don't even know what I am too billie. we used to be those couples that everyone wanted to be but that came crashing down when her freinds started forcing her to go to party's. she would come back home drunk and with love marks on her neck. that should have been my first warning. it keep happening every day now for the past 2 months. she doesn't realize that it fucking hurts me.

present.

I was in the bed just staring at the floor waiting for billie when I heard footsteps coming up the stairs a very drunk billie showed up in the doorway as usual hickies on her neck her shirt inside out? that's a new one she broke the very uncomfortable silence.
"hey, um im gonna go take a shower"
she walked toward the restroom almost tripping on her own foot. I just nodded slowly why do I let her do this to me. I don't know how long I was sitting there for but i was pulled out of my dream like state by billie grabbing me by my arm and dragging me besides her as she covered our body's with a thin blanket. I love how this feels but it just feels so wrong at the same time. she fucks a person then comes back home just to act so lovey dovey with me.
"goodnight I love you"
I know she doesn't mean it but i know I can't bring myself to leave im just waiting for tommorow knowing the same thing is bound to happen.
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this sucks ass lowkey

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