Through Hell And Back | Taegi

Chapter 20

Taehyung POV

Sitting carefully on the floor next to Yoongi, I keep my arms wrapped around him gently, just waiting for him to completely calm down before I bother saying anything. I'm extremely nervous to be sitting here right now with him, terrified that he's going to kick me out when he sobers up a bit. Though, with the two shattered alcohol bottles in front of us, I have no idea just how much he's drank, just how long it'll take for him to calm down or sober up.

I don't even bother keeping track of time, just humming softly in a way that I know Yoongi loves, my heart breaking at the sight and sound of him crying. Eventually, the sobs subside, though he still whimpers occasionally. Finally glancing back down at him with the hopes that I won't break down and cry myself, I swallow hard as he gently pulls himself away from me. As he reluctantly lifts his gaze to meet mine, I can see already all the damage that I've done. The brokenness, fear and uncertainty, the hesitation all clear as day in his beautiful dark brown orbs. It makes my heart take off running despite its heaviness weighing it down significantly, being able to see just how much he's opening struggling to hold on right now.

"Why are you up here?" Yoongi finally speaks, his voice low and quiet, yet somehow still small like a child's. It's nothing new to me though, knowing fully well how he gets after he's been torn apart to the core. He's always taken everything so personally, takes everything to heart, something that causes him so much pain and grief everyday.

"I got scared of what you were doing. I heard the crash and thud all the way downstairs, Yoongi." I answer softly, keeping my tone low and calm, feeling nervous to be answering his questions but knowing how I need to speak so as not to upset him all over again. It feels like the time when Yoongi was still just fifteen, right after he'd gotten into a giant argument with his parents and brother that resulted in the agreement of him moving out on his sixteenth birthday.

The memory resurfacing reminds me of the steps I need to be taking right now, glancing over at my hyung and seeing just how much he needs those extra little things to keep him in tact, but so clearly not having the energy or motivation to bother with them himself.

"I thought you didn't give a shit about me, Taehyung?" Yoongi mutters back in a weakly challenging tone. I sigh at the comment, realizing it's probably at least the third time he's said that now since we got back to the apartment as I stand up. I feel his gaze on me, following my movements as I walk over to his bed and grab the gray fuzzy blanket I'd bought him for Christmas that same year of the agreement getting drawn up with his parents, heading over to his dresser next as I know exactly where he hides everything.

"Yoongi, if there were anyone on this planet that I didn't give a shit about, your name would be the only one that would never be mentioned alongside my sister's and my mother's. I could never hate you or not care about you." I tell him in a quiet gentle tone, digging into the bag of lollipops he keeps hidden for times like this and pulling out the pink one that's watermelon flavored. Walking back over to him, his eyes are glossy as they continue to follow my motions, his sweet lips jutted out into a pout all the while. I just give him a tiny smile, going over behind him and wrapping the blanket around his shoulders before unwrapping the lollipop and handing it to him. He takes it silently, gazing down at it as I walk around and return to my original spot.

"If you still care then why did you leave? Why'd you say all those things, knowing how much they'd hurt me?" Yoongi mumbles quietly, looking back up at me as a lone tear rolls down his rosy cheeks, seemingly reluctant as he slips the round candy past his lips. I sigh, knowing I have to talk. Knowing I have to explain myself right now, answer every question that he has floating in that dark head of his. If I want any chance of getting him back in my life, if I at the very least want to have a chance at getting my best friend back, even if that means accepting the fact that I'll never have a chance to date him, I have no choice but to start giving him answers and explaining, even if they aren't the best answers or the explanations that he wants to hear.

I have to be vocal and answer and explain. Otherwise, I might as well accept that I'll never get him back or have any sort of chance with him.