The Viper (A Red Dead Redemption II Story)

Chapter 13: "To Be Alone"

"What if I told you I'm incapable of tolerating my own heart?" 

- Virginia Woolf

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I sighed, exhaling a stream of smoke as I glared up at the ripe moon, full of indecision. Jim and I had been staying with Dutch's gang for over a week now, and my shoulder was not a pressing issue any longer. 

The past week had been a blur of activity- after apprehending the serial killer I'd gone on a number of jobs for my daddy- with Mr. Morgan, no less, and much to Jim's vexation. Those two argued like nobody else, and no one in camp was blind as to the reason why. I mean the look Arthur gave me each time I went to bed with Jim was enough to have the blood pounding in my ears.

From the pointed looks and veiled questions Jim's been giving me over the last two days, I knew he was wondering why I hadn't brought up leaving. He was a patient man, but seeing Arthur Morgan everyday was taking it's toll, and time was ticking. 

I knew it wouldn't be long before Jim would be confronting me over my reluctance to move on from the gang and properly get back to life as The Viper. I was too scared to admit to him that I'd grown comfortable here, after finding an easy rhythm with the other folks, the sense of camaraderie was sweet. 

Plus, seeing my daddy and Hosea every day was golden. And Arthur...

I sighed again, bitterly sucking on my cigarette. Stupid, stupid, stupid. My clumsy, foolish heart was right back at it, forever skipping beats whenever he looked my way. And I couldn't hide how physically affected I was anytime he moved close or put his hands on me. 

Just the other day he'd tightly grasped my waist to stop me from falling after I lost my balance while hunting, and the sound that escaped me was enough to stain my cheeks red. Arthur had really enjoyed it though, and I'd taken off in a hurry to nurse my embarrassment elsewhere.

I'd been berating myself constantly these past few days, irritated that I'd dropped my eight year grudge. 

You always were a silly girl, I reminded myself, feeling frustrated tears gather in my eyes. How I was going to solve the situation between myself, Jim, and Arthur I didn't know. I knew the minute Jim and I mention leaving the gang is the minute Arthur will kick up a fuss. I didn't want that drama, and I didn't think I even wanted to leave.

Shit. I viciously wiped my eyes, feeling sick to death of my misery, and the situation. I shook my head, trying to physically erase the thoughts from my brain. I'd never get any peace at this rate- the same topics had been swirling in my mind for hours on end.

A sound stirred behind me, and I threw my cigarette out, turning to see the camp mostly settled in for the night. 

Jim was around the campfire, sitting and listening to that sweet Mary-Beth read aloud from one of her romance novels. They were slightly obscured by the tent to my right, and my heart twisted seeing the peaceful intimacy between them. 

If only Jim had met her first,  I surprised myself by thinking. The usual guilt swelled inside me, and I reached for another cigarette.

I turned back towards the moon, luminous in the sky. A branch snapped behind me, and I shifted, laying my hand on my gun. I was greeted by Arthur Morgan, holding his hands up in mock alarm.

"Easy there, Ava Grace, I ain't looking to get shot." Arthur quipped, lighting a match and holding it out for my cigarette. 

A small smile played on my face as I lit my cigarette, mirroring the one on his. I stepped back, exhaling a puff of smoke and facing the picturesque view of the moon again. Arthur copied my actions, standing alongside me, close enough for our arms to almost touch.