All She Wanted Was Love

27.1: Enemy

"I think bout all the what ifs and what we would be now if we had gotten married and I don't think neither one of us would've been happy because our relationship had been tainted so badly. We weren't the same people we were when we first got together. You were a serial cheater doing any and everything you wanted and I was a broken woman. I was just a shell of my former self hiding all the hurt with fake smiles. Shit was so bad I didn't recognize myself anymore because I put up with shit I'd never thought I would all because I loved you. I failed to realize that I was fighting by myself. I didn't have anybody to talk to because our relationship and our business were between us" she took a deep breath.

"Not to mention I was too ashamed and embarrassed to let anyone know what was really going on. I never told anyone what we were going through when we were together. Outside I smiled to keep up the front like everything was all good but as soon as I stepped foot inside our home my soul shattered, my heart broke even more, I felt like I was suffocating, and never once did you notice me slowly falling apart. If you did you damn sure didn't give a damn" she exhaled feeling like she had spoken a mouthful yet again.

"Of course I knew you felt a way but what was I supposed to do when I was the one who made you feel like shit. I couldn't comfort you. I damn sure couldn't comfort you when I felt like shit myself. I felt like a fuck up and a failure. All you wanted was my love and I couldn't even give you that the way you wanted" he wiped his hands over his face still frustrated with himself as he should be.

"All I wanted was for us to get back to how we use to be. We were 'goals' and now all we are, are examples of what to do and what not to do in a relationship. Fucking with you I lost myself and forgot my worth but I fought and fought to no avail" she played with her hands. "No need to say sorry. I'm just telling you how I feel" she looked up at him. April was tired of hearing him say how sorry he was. Sorry could only help but so much. It really didn't mean a thing. To her actions spoke louder than words and Chris had to prove himself to her.

"It's crazy because we had been friends for so long and when we started dating everything seemed right. It was perfect. It felt perfect like this was how it was supposed to be. No lie I was crushing on you from jump and when we finally got together I was the happiest I had ever been. My best friend was now my girl. What could be better than that" Chris smiled thinking about the beginning of their relationship. "I got to kiss and touch up on you and do things that friends wouldn't do, well some. You walking around the house dressed in my shirts with ya panties on or nothing at all. I got to do and see all of that and still have my best friend by my side"

"Welp, you fucked that up. Now shit just ain't the same. We aren't lovers nor are we friends and what sucks the most is that after all of the bullshit you put me through I still miss my friend. I still miss you"

Chris sighed. "I miss my friend too"

"Welp friends...how many of us have them" April laughed to herself. She knew that real friends were hard to come by. It didn't matter how popular or how many friends you had growing up. If you were lucky you had at least two real friends that stuck by you since day one. Shit the way she saw it was the more friends you had the more funerals you had to attend.

"I see you still got jokes" he gave her a small smile.

"I wouldn't be me if I didn't" she shrugged.

"True...I know you're avoiding asking me so go ahead and ask" he was right April had been dying to ask a more serious question but didn't know how to go about it.

"When we first got together I told you that I was in this for the long haul. I wanted to build together, get married, have children, and we were both on the same page. You use to love talking baby talk and then like everything else you started to despise talking bout babies like it made you sick" April took a breather. Shit was about to get all the way real and heavy. "The least you could've done was give me that but no you had some old groupie ass bitch come to a house where not only you lay your head but I lay mines as well talking bout she's pregnant and it's yours. You will never know how that feels. First you give away the dick and now you dropping seeds and planting them in another bitch's garden besides the one you're supposed to love. You knew like I knew there was no way in hell that you could talk her out of it. She was too far along for you to even think or mention an abortion" Of course April wasn't going to tell ole girl to get an abortion. That would've been wrong on so many levels. It wasn't her place and nor did the child ask to be born. Besides it was her body and her choice no matter what. April knew if Chris even asked her she'd a said no in a heartbeat anyway. That child was her meal ticket. "Not only did she know where we lived but you weren't even the least bit surprised that she showed up and was pregnant." April got up from the couch not even wanting to sit beside Chris anymore. She didn't even want to be in the same room as him. Cheating was one thing and as serious as it was a baby was a totally different ball game and one she didn't ask to play in. April stood there and faced the wall with her hands tightly balled up into fists. She was trying her best not to cry anymore but she could only hold in her tears for but so long. This was the part of the conversation she was dreading because it was way deeper than Chris knew or even imagined.