Everything you knew

Chapter 17 Cole

Shit! I have totally fucked up. It was meant to be a goodbye, the trip we took. I wanted one last amazing day with her before I told her, but it didn't go as planned. I drive straight to Costco, where Justin works stacking shelves. I drove through a few stop signs as I went, but I just needed to speak to him. I don't know what help he would be anyway, he definitely isn't the person to be going to for relationship advice. Need advice for sleeping around or dumping a girl then he is your guy. I rush into the store searching the isles trying to find him. I finally find him stocking toilet roll on some shelves. God, why does this place have to be this big?

"Please say you are here to rescue me" Justin says, as soon as he spots me coming towards him.

"No, I need your help" I say leaning up against the metal racks. He carries on stacking the shelf, waiting for me to spit it out. "Violet's the daughter of the couple my dad killed" I say all out once, before I can back out of it. Justin freezes holding the next toilet paper in his hand. He looks stunned, like a deer in head lights. I know how he feels.

"What?" he says dropping the toilet paper to the floor. "What?" he repeats, as if he can't say anything else.

"Yeah, I only just found out the other day, my mom told me"

"I didn't even know they had a daughter" he says. Justin is one of the only people I have ever told. When it happened, I stayed over at Justin's house a lot and he was there for me. Mom did everything to keep dads name out of the press to protect us, because we would have gotten a hard time at school.

"Me either" I shrug.

"Well what did Violet say? Is she okay?" he asks

"She doesn't know" I say trying to avoid eye contact with him, because I don't want to feel his judgment.

"What the fuck Cole, you didn't tell her?" he says his eye going wide and then narrowing at me.

"I can't I know I should, but I just can't. I love her, I can't lose her"

"You love her?"

"She will dump me if she finds out. She isn't going to want to be with me after she finds out who my dad is"

"You got to tell her, she deserves to know. Besides she will hate you more if you hide it and she finds out later on"

"Erm hello where is the guy who gives out shitty advice and says to do everything you shouldn't do" I say waving my hand in front of his face. This is the only reason I came to Justin, because I thought he would tell me to lie my ass off, what I didn't expect was for him to suddenly be all wise and truthful. What I do know is he definitely doesn't take his own advice.

"I know it's not what you want to hear, but it's the truth or you could just not tell her and hide it and live happily ever after"

"See that's more like it, that's what I want to hear"

"All I know is, it's the happiest I have ever seen you. Do what you have to do" he pats me on the back, but then a middle aged man with a long frump beard with a red chequered shirt and brown boots, looking like he just left the rodeo came over to ask where the milk is.

The whole night I lie awake tossing and turning unable to get her off my mind. Like what are the chances the girl I fall in love with is the same girl who my dad killed her parents by drink driving. If I would have just told mom about Violet from the beginning this wouldn't have happened. Mom would have told me who she was and I would have ended it there before either of us caught feelings, but now it's too late. But I don't know if I would want that. I don't know if I would want to change any of it, because the past few months have been the best months of my life and it's all because of her.

I go back and forth on what to do. I love this girl, how can I tell her the truth and let her leave me? But how can I lie to her, when I love her so much? How can this amazing beautiful girl be Violet Miller who parents both died? How did she turn out so well without them both? She is so strong, much stronger than me. I was a wreck when my dad went to prison and I still had my mom.

She has had nobody for all these years and it's all because of me. This is all karma for that night. The night I was being a stupid brat and I had a tantrum because dad wouldn't take me to the park the next day, so it got to the point where he had to leave to get more beer to tolerate me. But he was already drunk, way to drunk. He wouldn't have been driving that night if it wasn't for me. I knew what he was like, I knew not to push his buttons because he could fly of the wall at any time, but for some reason that night I didn't listen to my head screaming at me to just shut up and go to bed, I kept on shouting at him.

I always use to see all the other dads at school play with their kids and take them out for ice cream or play football or basketball with them, but not my dad. All he cared about was his alcohol. Mom was in denial the whole time that he had a problem. She just said he was stressed out, because he couldn't find another job. But nobody wanted to hire someone who reeked of Whisky and looked like he hadn't shaven or even showered in weeks. How can I tell Violet her parents died, because of me?