Becoming "Forever Yours"

Prologue.

I had never known genuinely, unrequited kindness. No one had ever been kind to me and expected nothing in return. Whether it was friendship, a helping hand, a relationship, something.. anything from me.

But at what point would someone have nothing left to give? At what point would the world know that this person was full of only one thing: emptiness? And you couldn't damn well give that. They would hate you for it.

Sadness is a funny thing. Being most melancholy in a world that forces a smile upon your face, is a hell within itself. Sorrow made to be put on the back-burner of your life and forgotten. But who would tell the world that that forgotten flame would burn you down, from the inside out?

There was no end. I was so far in, I couldn't even find the beginning anymore. I only knew what was in that moment. Pain, and so much of it. Suffering in silence. Mentally, emotionally. Not having a soul to share it with, because 'depression is only in the movies', or 'if it isn't hindering you from getting up in the morning, you'll be fine'.

I was suffering.

It was all I knew how to do. Suffer. And in silence. Suffer. In silence. Suffering silently. For days, for weeks, for months.. years.

Suffering, so silently.

Who would save me if I couldn't save myself? My parent, those I considered my friends? Maybe. But what if they played the roles that spun me round and round, suffering silently? Suffering. So much suffering.

Who would save me then? Myself? How? Why would I? For someone to suffer, to suffocate in themselves, so often and so deeply.. wouldn't you think they'd have done something to deserve it?

They tell you to use your voice, to speak out, to scream at the world if it wouldn't listen. But then would downplay your pleas and cries for help. 'Everyone goes through this', 'you'll get over it', 'it's just a phase', 'it can't hurt that much', 'at this point, you're only doing it to yourself'.

Suffer, silent, suffocate, downplay it all. An endless cycle, an endless tormenting cycle. And never once could I see the way off of it. It's infernal processes of tearing me down. So much weight, so many burdens, so many thoughts trying to gather in my mind.

I was alone in it all. With no one to truly see it, understand it. I was hurting. My soul was dying. And I didn't understand, I didn't know.. what I had become.