Memories - kylo ren / ben solo

20

I sit in Ben's corridors on his ship The Finalizer. I've changed out of the stormtrooper's uniform and to an oversized outfit of Ben's. It's just an old undershirt that he doesn't fit into anymore, still always being packed in his things as he moves around from ship to ship. I sit on his small bed, staring at the lights lining the wall in front of me.

I can't leave. I can't do anything outside of this room. No contacting the Resistance, only hoping they truly got off of Crate. Alhor and Chopper's safety is a mystery. Poe's status. Even Ben's mental health is something I can't figure out.

He was curt with me when we returned, leaving just as soon as he had walked in. I've not seen him in hours, and reaching him through the force was something I couldn't even try to do. He blocked himself from me. All I had access to was Hux's scattered brain.

Hux kept his brain in a scramble. His thoughts were going crazy. How he wanted to kill Ben, what would happen now that the ship was in scraps and how the First Order would have to rebuild around "this imbecile", or where the Resistance was. He was throwing around plans and ways to continue on. There was so much going on in his brain. Every now and then I'd hear my name or a picture of me would pop up. Secretly, I think he wants to find and kill me. If only he knew I was just a few hallways away from him.

I finally pull myself away from Hux, tired of the hothead's mind. I try for Ben again, but I can't find his presence anywhere. After a couple minutes, I give up. There's no use. So I decide to snoop.

I get up from the bed and start for the closet across the room. Once opened, I look at the rack in front of me. Only two things hang there. A hooded cape and another shirt. I look up to the shelf and see a box. Without hesitating about keeping Ben's privacy, I grab it and take it back to the bed.

The box is wooden, stained to be a golden color. The lid lifts off easily, I setting it to the side. Inside is a small leatherback book and what looks like a holographic picture frame. Nothing more.

I take the holoframe in hand and press the only button on the side. The hologram appears in front of my face, a small version of my own body staring back at me. I'm smiling with glee, it reaching my eyes. I'm wearing an old outfit that I can easily place on what day I wore it.

It was the day we left for his training with Luke. I remember only because I remember the photo being taken. He kept it in our tent and then in the hut. I thought it was destroyed the last night we were there. Evidently I was wrong.

I set it back down and grab the book. It's got a leather string wrapped around it a few times, like a journal would have. I wonder if he's kept one, hiding it from anyone else. But why would he leave it in just a box that's so easily set off to the side?

I give it no mind and stare at the book. This invades more privacy than I care to take away. A picture is one thing, but a journal of his inner most thoughts is something completely different. Knowing how Ben is, and how secretive he is, he'd probably hate me just for removing the leather bound.

So I set the book back into the box, grab the lid, and put it back in it's spot in one fell swoop. I don't want to take away any trust from him. He means to much. I know only what I am supposed to know and what he wants me to know. I don't mind it one bit.

***

The ceiling is my new gazing location. I pay no attention to anything around me but the soft haze of lighting. My mind is clear, my breathing is soft and slow. I'm at peace. My body tingles as I feel the force flowing through me gently. It calms me even more.

Though I know I have no idea how or where any of my friends are, I know just how resilient and resourceful they tend to be. I doubt that they're anywhere near us. I'd say that if they got away, they left this system and went to get Alhor and Chopper. Then going to hide until they can regroup with what little was left.