if walls could talk // calum hood

chapter fourteen 💕

i owe roy the biggest apology. turns out that he did know what he was doing and it was wrong of me to criticize him like that.

"i'm so sorry for everything i said" i say to him in the waiting room.

"i'm not mad, it's cool and i understand" he sighs.

i know it's not cool and i know he doesn't understand. i get calum is his friend and all but that's all he is to him, a friend. i'm somehow pretty sure it's probably easier to bury a friend than it is to bury the person who you are in love with.
it suddenly hits me and that i'm in love with calum and i openly have told him this. TWICE. nine times if you count the apparent 7 times in the email.

"does he like me roy" i ask.

"do you want the actual answer to that or what you want to hear" he asks.

"neither, i take that as a no so never mind"

i walk over to the walls and bulletin boards and look at the posters, they're all things i've seen before like in the first aid room at my old school and places but i try to distract myself for a moment with some other stuff.

"are you okay" roy suddenly asks.

"no but i'm fine, i have to be fine for calum. well, until he's better because then... yeah" i tell him still reading the posters and facing away from him.

"then what" he says coming up to me.

"then nothing. then i'm leaving, i obviously make him feel like shit somehow and it's upsetting because i love him so much roy but i make him mad and i think i stress him out. i can't do that to him so it's best if i just go away and you and the others can help too by pretending like this week never happened and like you don't fucking know who i am. if you ever see me when you're out with calum, do not have the audacity to say hi or anything. keep walking past me and jog on. obviously he's better off without me"

i go into the bathroom and sit on the floor and cry. i don't even care that it's a hospital bathroom floor, right now all i want is calum to be okay.

"are you okay" some kid says to me.

i nod and smile at her then hear her say 'mummy there's a sad lady in here' so i get up leave but she comes in.

"what's wrong sweetheart"

i ask her what she'd do if the love she had for someone was not unreciprocated in the way you want it to be but still he's okay with carrying on the way he does still and everything but we aren't anything labeled we're hardly friends really, more like strangers.
she seemed nice, she gave me solid advice and took me downstairs to have a coffee with her.

roy and calum walked down together when i was just finishing up with harriet. i thanked her for the coffee and listening to me and went over to cal.

"are you okay" i ask him hugging him tightly.

"i feel fine" he says.

we drive home in silence and i help get calum ready for bed early being careful with his arm and bandages.

"thanks for today" he says softly.

i smile at him and lay him down in bed pulling the covers over him. i get in bed with him and we put on tv. i cuddle into him and trace his tattoo on his chest with my finger.

"i wish things could stay like this forever" he says sleepily.

"they can" i say kissing his cheek.

"but they don't and won't..." he sighs.

before i can say anything he's asleep. i turn the tv off and sleep with him i have so many questions for calum and things to talk about with him but right now all i'm hoping is that tomorrow is going to be a better day for us both especially him.