if walls could talk // calum hood

chapter thirteen 💕

i realize that calum and i never talked about what i wanted too at the club even though we said that we would talk. i knew i should have talked to him then when it mattered the most and was actually relevant. i mean, it's still relevant because of course i still care about him but i felt that giving the circumstances of me being upset and whatnot he would have listened better. i know i need to talk to him when he gets back and tell him the truth but i'm scared that it's going to make him angry.
i dwell on it for a while and realize that it doesn't even matter if he gets angry with me for it because if he does it shows his immaturity. he's a grown man in his twenties and he carries on like an angry teenager sometimes, i guess that's hollywood.

"i'm home" calum says bursting through the door being greeted by a happy duke.

"early?" i ask.

"yeah, ashton and luke are hungover and michael forgot so they just told me to come home" he explains.

he grabs himself a beer from the refrigerator and opens it before sitting down beside me on the couch ready to speak.

"i'm ready for an explanation" he says softly.

i'm glad to see that his tone has changed and he appears to be in a better mood now but... i don't keep my hopes up about that because this morning i thought that he seemed in a good mood too, he wasn't and we just ended up screaming.
i swallow hard and look down at duke on the floor.

"okay calum... well, i care about you a lot like a lot a lot and you're SO important to me and i'm so grateful to have you around and everything but you just... i don't know, you don't seem yourself. i know you haven't felt good for a while but even more so lately. recently, i have felt kind of like it's my fault and i haven't been doing it saying the right things to you which isn't helping so for that i'm sorry. calum, look at me, i just don't want to lose you babe because you're so special and unique in your own ways and i love you a lot" i spill all the tea and secret i've been avoiding telling him. i know he knew but i felt like he didn't want to hear it.

"thank you for your honesty but you don't got to cry over that. i'm fine" he says trying to make me smile.

"that's the thing calum... are you fine" i ask.

he looks away from me and doesn't answer me.

"you aren't are you"

"i'm always fine" he snaps back.

he leaves me to sit here alone to think and i leave him to think. i text crystal about what happened and she tells me to come meet her and we'll talk so i do.

- -

i get home around about 5:30 just in time to cook calum's dinner. since he's upset i was going to cook his favorite food, i already found out from ashton and roy what it was so i could surprise him but when i walk inside there's no sign of him.

duke comes running from the backyard and i sit on the floor rubbing his belly for a moment.

"where'd your daddy go duke? he promised me he would be here" i ask sadly.

roy pops his head around the door and says if i'm looking for cal he is in the bath.

"is he okay" i ask roy.

"eh, he's his usual self but he will be fine" he says with a shrug then walks away back to his room.

i knock on the bathroom door and call out cals name and he doesn't answer. i panic and say it again banging louder but he still doesn't answer.
i run down to roy's room and ask if he's 100% sure that calum went into there and he said yes he definitely did like half an hour before i got back. he says the door doesn't lock because it's broken so if i'm that worried go check but he says again that he will be fine.

"okay cal, if you're not going to answer then i'm coming in. this isn't fucking funny... you're actually scaring me cal" i call trying not to cry.

i slowly and shakily take hold of the handle of the door and push the door open.
i take one step into the bathroom and scream so terribly loud. roy comes running from the other room and stops dead just behind me when he sees it.

"fuck!" he screams and grabs cal.

i can't speak or move, i just stand there being so unhelpful and looking. suddenly i start screaming at roy not to hurt him and that he isn't doing the right thing.

"i know what i'm doing! he's been like this before" he says angrily. 

"oh my god, fuck you! i bet this is your fault really. you ALL would have said something stupid to him and made him upset" i say to him.

"stay with him. i'll be right back" he says ignoring me and what i said.

i sit down on the floor beside calum and put his head on my lap and start rubbing his chest softly. he opens his eyes and looks up at me sleepily.

"hi princess" he says in a husky voice.

"hi baby, you're okay! it's okay... i'm here calum and everything is okay" i cry holding the towel and pressure over his cuts.

"i'm sorry" he says.

"it's okay! you're okay so everything is okay" i try to assure him but i feel so bad and can't help but feel this my fault.

he keeps smiling and i sit him up against a cabinet so i can hug him and he kisses my head gently.

"i love you so fucking much calum. no matter how much we get mad and fight i love you a lot " i say before being pushed out of the way by a paramedic who's going to help him.