"The Maharishi will be sorry to hear your feeling ill love, I'll make sure we keep you in mind today." George pushed my hair back from my sweaty face, placing a small kiss on my forehead with a gentle touch.
We were saying our goodbyes at the door of our room, George having to been practically dragged there by me as he was hesitant to leave me alone knowing I had been struggling the "flu" for awhile now while on our retreat in Wales.
"Jagger too?" I raised an eyebrow with a smirk across my horrifyingly pale complexion having met the charming lead singer on this trip and hitting it off.
George laughed shaking his head at my cheekiness. He placed another small peck on my lips, his moustache tickling me as he did so, causing me to grin to myself.
"I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow, just stomach flu or something." I sent him half a grin. Feeling my stomach churning uncomfortably, I tried to hide my uneasy feelings in front of him, knowing it would only worry him.
"Right." He nodded, pursing his lips to the side.
"You get some rest, and I'll be back in no time. If you need me, you know where we are." He grinned dolefully as I nodded.
With one last kiss he began to walk down the hallway, looking back often to make sure I wasn't calling him with an emergency already.
"Tell the Maharishi and group I'm sending love." I waved goodbye from the doorway watching him disappear from sight.
I sighed in relief, but soon felt the contents of my stomach rise to my mouth. Quickly, I slammed the door and ran to our bathroom toilet, feeling the little amount of food left in my stomach come out into the toilet bowl.
My eyes burned and I was left with a horrible taste on my tongue, one I had come quite accustomed to for a couple weeks now.
I collapsed to the ground beside the toilet feeling tears run from my eyes without any specific reason behind them, a complete emotion wreck in probably the most zen places I've ever been in my life.
It was no secret to me that I had fallen pregnant with George's child, but I was the only one in on the secret. I hadn't even told Brian, which was strange for me, but I didn't know how to break the news to anyone.
It seemed even with birth control pregnancy was still possible, it having been a complete surprise to me when I had went to the doctors office thinking I was dying, coming out suddenly a soon to be mother.
I knew I should've told George the moment I found out, but lately he'd been increasingly stressed about work now that the Beatles weren't touring anymore, and coming here to meet the Maharishi was an opportunity for him to relieve it. I didn't want to even imagine the sort of stress being a father would weigh on him. He was very serious about his spirituality and I didn't quite feel that it was the right time to tell him just yet.
I came to a conclusion I would tell him, and everyone, when we all returned to London together.
I cleaned myself up by taking a warm shower and decided to phone Brian, feeling in need of his comfort.
I picked up the telephone set and dialled his number with the with it on my lap, laying back as I put the phone to my ear. Putting a hand on my stomach, I rubbed it up and down, a bump not visible yet but was soon to be in a matter of weeks.
I hadn't quite grasped the concept of being a mother, only trying to live in the moment until I told everyone.
"Hello?" Brian picked up sounding extremely groggy, as if he had just woken.
"Hey Bri." I spoke cheerily, thankful to hear his voice ringing through my ears.
"Hello, Poppy." The more I listened, the more suspicious I became as he sounded to slightly slur his words together.
"Are you alright Brian?" I felt an instinctual nervousness kick in.
"Fine, fineee love. Tired." He chuckled.
I looked at the time, it was only ten in the morning.
"Haven't you slept?" I inquired, becoming unsure if I was even talking to my Brian.
"A bit." He spoke giggling like he was a schoolboy who had done something naughty.
"Brian, you're still joining us soon up here, right?" I tried to push my anxiety out of my mind, sure it was the hormones making my worry more exaggerated than it should be.
"Of course! How's about I drive up right now?" He was almost incomprehensible sounding cheery.
"No, Brian, how about you stay put and I'll come up to come get you for tomorrow?" I spoke feeling myself becoming extremely uncomfortable, knowing clearly he was under the influence of something.
"Alright Poppy." I sang warmly sounding as if he were in the middle of a stretch.
"Right," I paused, "Brian?" I asked hearing him hum in response.
"Stay safe, alright? I love you." I spoke pressing the telephone closely to my mouth making sure he could understand me.
"I love you Poppy, I'll see you soon dear." Was all I heard before an abrupt sound of him slamming down the phone to hang up.
I felt a terrible feeling in my chest, knowing I needed to see him as soon as I possibly could or I'd be worried for the rest of the trip.
I began to get a suitcase together, grabbing only the things I thought I'd need just incase.
The door of the hotel room opened, George having come back to surprise me by bringing some breakfast for me, carrying in a a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit in one hand, a glass of orange juice the other.
"What are you doing love, you should be resting." He worried as he set the food down on the desk table, coming over to me in a haste to make sure I was alright seeing the frantic look that seemed to have plastered itself onto my face.
"I just called Brian. I'm worried something's wrong with him, I've been trying to push it out of mind for awhile, but I know he's been struggling with pills again, George- I- if something was wrong and I wasn't there to help him get through it," I rambled on, George's expression twisting into instant sympathy, knowing as well as I did about his addiction.
"We'll go together." He smiled weakly as he slid his hand up and and down my back.
"No, you deserve to enjoy your time here. Really, I'll be there and back, you won't even have noticed I'm gone." I grinned cupping his face in my hand, rubbing my thumb over his cheek.
"I doubt that, but fine." He nodded with a reluctant sigh.
"Thank you love." I smiled bringing him into a tight embrace, running my hands through his hair trying to rid myself of my fearfulness.
Little did I know it was the beginning of a journey of many highs and lows, learning more about life that I had ever come to previously know.
