heartbreak girl || c.h

chapter 15

its 4 in the morning right now. i can't sleep. but every time i open my eyes, she's all i ever think about.

why isn't clementine out of my mind? sigh. in the dark, it makes you think a little too hard. i was convincing myself to tell her the truth right that second. but, my brain is making my body tell me no.

so i stalked people on twitter and shit.

and then i eventually fell asleep.

so the next morning, it was the terrible day in clementine's life: september 18.

her brother's birthday.

she has 3 siblings. counting her brother. haley, who is 20. greg, who died at age 19, and curtis who is 5. she still feels greg's presents. and today is just a day of sadness.

i met greg, a year before he died. he liked me, he thought i would do his little sister some good. and i guess i haven't done a really good job because she's as sad and miserable as she was before.

so today, we just hung out at the house. sitting around talking. i told the guys to leave us alone, and they did. they went upstairs while we stayed downstairs talking about life and shit.

"calum, why do people die?"

"its apart of life."

"i know. but why does it have to be apart of life?"

"i don't know, it just is."

"then life sucks. i already knew that, but when i start feeling it's not as bad, it gets worse."

"oh c'mon clem. life isn't that bad."

"says the guy who's going on tour in 3 weeks, who's also travelling the world with adoring fans drooling over him."

"oh c'mon. you're..."

"mhm."

"well, your life is easier."

"excuse me? and i'm here today because my big brother died, and because everyone at my house is crying and they smell like shit and ugh."

"you don't smell like shit."

"thanks i guess. i don't cry as often as i should. i'm not crying right now."

"because i'm hugging you."

"you have an arm around me, thats not hugging. and no, because i already know my brother wants us to move on with our lives. happy 22nd birthday gregory."

"listen clem,"

"no you listen. stop complaining about your life. i would kill to have a life like yours, you have people who would die for you, you have people crying over you, be happy with what you got. you got your whole family. i'm sorry if i sound horrible right now, i'm just pissed off because this stupid life of ours is just totally unfair. why did god have to take my brother?"

"it was an accident clementine."

"he didn't deserve it. he didn't deserve it. he didn't...fucking deserve it."

and then she burst into tears. her brother was hit by a car while walking down a street. he didn't do anything wrong. he walked when he was supposed to and the fault belongs to the fucking driver.

"clementine, life is bullshit okay? its unfair. you've been on here for 18 years so far, you're getting closer to when greg was-"

"don't say it."

"-well when it happened. its not your fault, its only that driver's fault. and i'm not saying that i'm not grateful for what i have, i am i definitely am, but you shouldn't hate life because of what it did to your brother."