The Other Side

Chapter 1 - Nothingness

I stared into the dark chilling abyss that surrounded me, a shiver ran down my spine as a breeze ran wildly through the dark room. I felt the air trickling out of my lungs and convulse with the rampant thoughts of darkness. I needed light, I pathetically reached around me and found nothing but crisp cold air. My feet ached and trembled as I stood up, I aimlessly started walking. Slowly I felt the air, a sob slowly began reaching my throat as I felt nothing. Before defeat my fingers gazed gently against a solid surface, it was slick and hard, not quite a wall. Perhaps a window? Thoughts violently ran through my head, but the most radiant was not of a mirror, questions raced through my mind like lightning, why am I in this situation? How did I get here? With a sharp, exploding, snap, a light radiated through the room, but without a glance my eyes flew open.

The sun beamed into my partly open eyes while my phone screamed at me to wake up, I groaned and peeled my sweaty body from the sheets of my bed. While resisting the urge to throw my phone out the window and seep back into the sheets. I managed to mute the nuisance. I had way too much to do rather than obsess over the impossibility of relaxation. I lifted my legs that reminded me of heavy weights. My legs carried me to my speaker for my daily morning music, my eyes drifted lazily to the mirror surrounded with Christmas lights, my reflection stared back at me. My boring brown hair stuck out in many directions. My nose stuck out big and bold, but the real show stealer was my bright blue eyes that greeted me with fire and passion.

The last thing I wanted to do was go to class for the day. It was impossible for me to pay attention. Rather than learn about history I would doodle in my notebook for the hour long lecture that would put me to sleep if I didn't do something with my hands.

The buzzing of my phone caught my short attention, rather than letting it go I took a glance, already knowing exactly who it was. "Good morning cutie" appeared at the top of my notification list. Conner, my boyfriend of three months always made sure to send me something before he went to sleep because he would wake up at four o'clock in the afternoon. Knowing he was asleep I sat the phone down in preparation for my day.

The used handle to the shower groaned as I moved it to the hottest setting. Water splashed against the stained tub, I removed my clothes as I let the water heat up. Staring at myself in the mirror I took myself in. I judged every inch of my body as I usually did, my pores were gross, I hated the way my freckles were everywhere except my face, and the way my body was shaped. Thoughts like these plagued my mind like a rampant stamped, but I couldn't help but think of every reason I hated myself. My mind chose to pass over my good attributes and attack the ones that made me the most self conscious. With a heavy heart I decided to tackle the shower. "One task at a time I could do this", I thought to myself. Living with a mind that was constantly racing proved to get harder as the stress piled higher and higher.

I let the music take over me as I sat in the burning shower. Constant distractions kept me at ease, it kept me from thinking about the person I really was. I would do so much to not be left alone with my own mind. Music was a place away from home, the right songs spoke to my soul and made living so much better. There is always a song for someone, every mood, every heart break, and every happy moment. Never once has music failed me when I needed it.

I turned off the practically boiling water and stepped into my shockingly cold room. The once burning water droplets slid down my bare back, the feeling of which made me shiver. Being wet was not something I enjoyed, it instantly put me into a temperamental mood until I could finally get dry again. Much like a cat. It was funny considering cat's and I don't really get along. 

I dried off and put on my outfit I had planned in a hurry for warmth, once again I found myself in a standoff with my mirror. My high-waisted jeans that barely covered my belly button hugged my hips. The crop top I had planned was long enough to barely reveal a strip of my pale, untannable stomach. This was fine. It was better than a skirt. I didn't hate skirts because I disliked femininity, I just don't feel like myself. I don't feel comfortable sitting crossed legged and acting prissy. It just didn't feel like me. 

After taking care of my hair and makeup, I left my room stubbing my toe in the process, the pain shot up my foot like a rocket. I tried my best to keep the rush of cuss words from flooding the silent living room of my apartment. I continued flying out the door and into the humid halls. "Ah shit" I whispered to myself. I could feel my phone buzzing as I walked with long strides towards campus. I lifted my phone to my ear, annoyed.

"Hello?" I asked impatiently.

"Hey cutie, You left my message on read, and haven't bothered to answer them. Just thought I would check up." Conner said in an upbeat voice.

My head pounded, I loved this man very much, but the distance made everything harder. It added stress onto my already busy life that was hard to balance, but in the end I couldn't let go.

"Baby, I woke up 30 minutes before class and I now have ten minutes to get there and it's a 20 minute walk." I exclaimed slightly out of breath. 

"Okay, I'll talk to you when you're not busy alright? Love ya." Yeah, yeah just hang up already I thought to myself.

"Love you, bye." I hung up the phone and realized I was barley paying attention to my surroundings.

The red light for pedestrians glared as me as I realized my feet were taking me across the street. I moved my head to the side and came face to face to a white suburban. Time almost felt slowed, It was coming straight for me. My thoughts raced as I waited the 6 seconds for impact. All the things I've missed, all the opportunities I've passed up on, and the things I'll never experience hit me before the car did. I closed my eyes, waiting for the beautiful and mysterious darkness of death to take over my worthless body. I suddenly became aware of the sweat the was forming on my body. Mostly because of the heat. My heart raced like it was a cheetah on the hunt for it's prey. My heart pounded so hard it felt like a hammer banging against my rib cage. My eye lids clenched as I felt my lungs sharply inhale a deep breath.

That's when I was pushed by someone, I felt the palms of someones hands slam against my collar bone. I threw my hands behind me as I fell to the ground, the car zoomed mere inches in front of me with its horn blaring. I opened my eyes to find my savior, but nobody was around. I swear to god I felt someone push me, I know I felt hands on my chest before the impact with the ground. Nothing, nobody. Only the feeling of blood on my palms from catching myself on the rough asphalt.