Ineffable, ᴘᴇᴛᴇʀ ᴋᴀᴠɪɴsᴋʏ (editing)

F O U R T Y

''You broke up because you didn't love him.'' He says with an accusing tone. Rita furrows her eyebrows. 

''I broke up with him because we wouldn't work out.'' She corrects his argument but Peter rolls his eyes. "I liked him." She did like him but she knew it wasnt love.

She always knew Alec, no matter how great he was, never made her feel like Peter does.

''Right! Rita, get real. If you wanted things to work out you would have given him a second chance. Stop lying to yourself.'' 

Rita stopped to think about Peter's words, for only a second tough. Her pride took over her and she snapped back. 

''You don't know what I've been trough. Don't you think I wanted to give it a second shot? I wanted things to work out with Alec more than anything Peter, sometimes I think I made the biggest mistake of my entire life.'' She knew she didn't mean it yet she felt like she needed to defend her relationship and defend Alec who was nothing but amazing to her.

He deserved it.

''Really?'' He asked. ''Then why don't you go get him back?'' 

''Because I'm fucking leaving. If it wasn't going to work out before when the problem was that he couldn't overcome the fact me and you belong together-'' She stopped realizing her mind wasn't letting her lie anymore.

''See?'' He's doing that expression he does when he scores a goal in the field. It's victory. ''You're listening to yourself right?'' Rita takes a deep breath and lets herself sink into the edge of the bed. ''We do belong together.'' He stands up to sit beside the girl who's mind is completely exploding inside her skull. ''I know that since the day we met and you know that too Rita, so stop pretending you don't.'' 

 ''Yes. Even if I do like you.'' Saying it out loud is weird but feels nice. She's conflicted. ''What good does that make now?'' She stands up ignoring the heat going from his knee to hers when they touched. ''I am fucking leaving.'' Her voice cracks and she is crying. Peter pulls her by the pulsating wrist and she doesn't resist. She's on his lap and he nuzzles his face into the pit of her neck. 

''It's not fair.'' She is sobbing onto Peter's ear. His lips are constantly pecking her skin, from her jaw to her cheeks and her neck. It is the most comforting thing in the world but thinking about never feeling that security again increases the crying. ''I don't want to go.'' 

''I know.'' Peter's voice is soft as his hands run along her arms. ''I know.'' 

''Stop.'' She jumps away as Peter tries to kiss her. ''You really need to leave.'' 

Peter takes a deep breath. ''If I knew this was the end of it, I'd never try to get to know you. I'd exit that coffee shop as soon as I saw you cross the road.'' Rita cracks a soft smile and Peter seems to appreciate it. ''It really isn't fair but I don't regret it. I'd do it all over again, I assure you of that.'' Rita is hugging herself and she's craving his comfort but she know it will only make it harder. ''I don't think I will ever feel this way again towards someone. And I don't think I want to.''

''Shut up. Yes you do. You'll find someone else as soon as I land in the UK.'' She laughs cleaning her tears. 

''Maybe but I will search for the slight glimpse of you everywhere knowing I will never find it. This is something that happens once in a life time and I won't have it again.'' He shakes his head, putting on his jacket. 

''Peter you're exaggerating. We're eighteen. we're so young. How do you know?'' 

''Just because you can't understand the intensity of what we share doesn't mean I can't either.'' He says and he's so sad it breaks Rita's heart. ''While you were with Alec, Rita I've had plenty of time to think this trough. I know nothing will ever hurt me as much as it did whenever you two kissed, or whenever he made you laugh.'' He shook his head as if remembering it was as painful as living it. 

Rita stays quite. Peter's blazing eyes don't leave hers. 

''I know you don't want to admit you feel the same way I do because you're scared but I know. I know you love me the same way I love you because you showed me by the way you responded to my touch in this bed. You're an excellent actor but you couldn't fake that. That was not you being in need of attention or whatever you excuse it for in you little head.'' She looks away feeling attacked. ''That was you needing me as much as I need you. That was you realizing you love me and now that I'm sure of it, yeah it sucks you'll leave but it doesn't suck more than the fact you won't tell me that yourself.'' 

''There's no point. I can't tell you that I love you and leave. I won't do that.'' She whispers and shrugs. 

''Then pretend you're not leaving.'' He says and his arms wrap around her waist. ''Let's make the best of the weeks we have left. Let's make up for the time we lost playing this game.'' He's expecting her to say yes and she wants to. 

''Peter.'' She shakes her head, she really wants to say yes but she knows It will only make it harder. Peter grabs her chin. 

''What?'' He smiles. He's so beautiful.

Who's she kidding? She does love him and it's a different kind of love. A love that makes you do dumb things. A love that has nothing similar to the way she loves her mother and she feels silly she ever compared the two.

The thoughts about anything else vanish from her mind. She's thankful for it.

''I love you.'' She says as if the world is ending before their eyes. ''I do. I love you Peter Kavinsky.'' She smiles then. She's happy she's admitting it. Her chest feels so much lighter, and everything is clearer. Peter is light and he has always been there to guide her trough the darkness. She's deafened by his shine and she doesn't listen to the voices in her head telling her how much more it will hurt two weeks from there. 

Peter is beaming as he heard her. He didn't expect to hear those words, never. He's surprised and it shows on his widened expression.  

''So let's do it.'' She nods before gluing their lips together. ''I knew from the start I'd get my heart broken by you, so I might as well enjoy it while it's good.'' 

''That makes two of us.'' He smiles and brushes his nose against hers. 

They kiss and it's soft this time. It's slow and passionate. They aren't in a rush for they know they belong to each other at last. 

''I love you.'' He says between a kiss before he jumps down the balcony.  He's done that before and does it again with the same little effort as then. He smiles up to her and its the most beautiful sight. It reminds her of the night of her birthday and it feels like they have been together ever since that first kiss.  She stays there, ignoring the bitter cold cutting trough her bare skin until she hears his car drive trough the corner of the road. 

Rita then closes the window. She can't stop smiling. She loves him back.