The toughest bitch

Returning home - 22

I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but words did not come. It hurt, the pain paralyzed me as I kept staring at her. I couldn't believe what had just happened, couldn't believe she managed to tear all hope out of my soul and step on it within a few seconds. Spending time with Ruby had made me hope once more, had made me wish for a future with her despite all the uncertainties. Standing here now slapped the word "Idiot" right into my face, knocking all air out of my lunges and all energy out of my body.
I didn't move but she did, turning away from me she continued to sort through equipment as if I was not even present. She didn't seem the slightest bit faced by my reaction, her face the portrayal of indifference.
I didn't know how long I remained standing in the gym, staring at her with my own heartbeat in my ears. It could have only been a minute or two but might as well have been an hour. Tae left as soon as she had finished, walking past me only a metre away. I thought I felt a breeze brush past me and inhaled, nothing, no scent.
It took me another eternity to regain my composure and break my trance. No! I will not just take this! I will not let her treat me like this! I will not give up this easily! Women always say no and mean yes! I walked back into the house, determined to find her and let her know I was not this easily repressed.

It took me some time to find her, she was talking to Jason in the far corner of the living room. His eyes found me first, compassion shining in them as he said something to her. She shook her head, ignoring me once more. He spoke again, urgency in his face as he turned back, concern edging in his eyes. But she shook her head once more, talking in anger before she moved past him, hitting him with her shoulder and walked upstairs.
Jason gave me a look that said "I'm sorry man" before he turned to walk into the kitchen. I didn't acknowledge him, rushing to follow Tae. I was determined to let her know I was not giving up. I would fight for this, fight for her and fight for us. She was my one shot at eternal happiness and I would not allow her to ruin it because of some weird thoughts she might have.
A new found strength rose within me as I walked into her room without knocking. I let the door close behind me and faced her. She was leaning against the window, looking like she had waited for me. Her arms were crossed over her chest as she kept staring me down. "I won't let you do this!" I exclaimed, my emotions guiding my speech. She rose an eyebrow, obviously not bothering to even reply to me. Was I this worthless to her?

"I won't let you ruin this mate bond just because of some dislike you have towards me! You don't even know me and you've never given me a real chance! We are destined to be and I won't allow you to take this chance from me!" I continued. She remained silent for an awfully long time, staring at me. "It is not on you to allow anything" she then said, her voice only a whisper, void of all emotions. "This is not only about you!" "neither is it only about you" she retorted. "It is not even about the two of us... it is about this pack, about YOUR pack. The duty of an Alpha is to choose what is best for the pack, putting himself into second place. But since you do not seem to be able to set aside your selfish desires, I will do so" she said. The coldness in her voice shocked me, leaving me to shiver.
"Having you as Luna is..." "going to destroy this pack! You are unable to see clearly with all those emotions rushing through you" she interrupted me. "And you are not lead by your emotions?! I doubt that! You are doing this out of your disgust for me not out of compassion for the pack!" I yelled, anger rising within me. Who was she to ruin this? Who was she to destroy my life without even blinking?
She seemed to flinch a little at my words, some emotion flashing in her eyes, but they were gone before I could make out what they were. "Be it as it may" she then said, layering her words with arrogance and letting a lack of interest drip from them. It hurt, it hurt like a punch in the gut and I flinched back from her. I couldn't hide what her words did to me, my heart lay open for her and she tore it apart.

I looked at her, hoping for her to change her mind, to start laughing and tell me it was all show. But she remained silent with a stone cold expression on her face. She didn't even seem faced by my reaction to her words, my pain did nothing to her. What sort of bond was this if she could not feel my pain? Did she not own a heart? Did she not feel anything for me? Her face was so empty, no reaction to me... I yearned for some sort of acknowledgement, even hatred would be better than this void face.
"Why are you like this?" I whispered without meaning to voice my question out loud. She continued to stare at me. Her honey coloured eyes were focused on me, the fabric hiding her lips, her beautiful lips.