Goddamn Tragedy

XI

He couldn't sleep.

His left hand was playing in her hair and her breathing was warm against his neck. His heart was still stirring around in his chest from what had happened hours ago. He had felt so many things, he had thought up so many things. She was alright. Maybe she wasn't alright but she was here and she was with him.

He sighed briefly when she pushed her body more into his. He wondered what she was dreaming about. Was she dreaming about her childhood or was her mind painting vivid dreams about hopes for the future? He wondered if she dreamed about him.

He surely dreamed about her. Her blonde waves seemed to haunt his dreams but as his fingers untangled her curls, he couldn't imagine this as anything other than a bittersweet dream that he didn't want to wakeup from.

He thought about his childhood as absent-mindedly continued to stroke her hair. He thought about his very first memories. How most of the memories he could recall were clouded around Octavia and her young grin. He thought about how the feisty brunette filled the large void in his heart.

He glanced at a piece of blonde hair between his fingers and realized that maybe Octavia wasn't the only one filling his darkness with light.

He sighed and dropped his hand. She could do so much better than him. He hated how the thought still struck him as often as it did. She was so much more than a second thought at the end of the day or a lazy fuck. She deserved to be worshipped like an artist to his canvas or like the stars to the night sky. She deserved to be cherished and caressed until her skin was almost rubbed raw.

He was pulled from his thoughts when she jolted awake.

He glanced down at her before she sat up and clutched at her chest as a few whimpers left her mouth. He quickly sat up and placed a hand on the lower part of her back. She turned to him and he saw a brief look of relief in her eyes at the sight of him.

She nodded in thanks even as a harsh breath escaped her lips. They remained sitting up for what seemed like hours but finally she sank back down and stretched out on the right side of the bed. She turned on her side to face him.

He laid down and looked at her. Really looked at her.

He reached over and framed her face in his hands as he murmured to her that she was safe. Without really thinking about it, he started to hum the song he hummed to Octavia whenever she needed to be pulled away from the thoughts in her head.

He stroked her face with his index finger until her breathing evened out. He took his own breath of relief.

"Octavia did the same thing earlier." Her eyes were bright and blue. He felt slightly embarrassed but continued to stroke her face. "What song is it?"

"Dream a Little Dream of Me." He thought briefly of the first time he had heard the song. The memory was quite vivid despite how young he was. His mother was singing and dancing around in the kitchen with Octavia perched up on her hip. He recalls it being one of the only memories of his mother holding his sister.

"It's nice." Her voice was soft and he imagined it would be the same sound that velvet would have.

They stared at one another in silence. Their faces were so close. He thought about the last time they were this close. He thought about the look on her face when she had seen him with some random girl in his living room. He shook his head. "Clarke about-."

"How did you get this?" She changed the subject. Her finger brushing lightly against the jagged raised skin above his lip.

His skin burned beneath her finger. His heartbeat quickened and his eyes continued to stare into hers. She must have gotten embarrassed because she quickly pulled her finger away. He missed the feel of her. "I don't know. It's always been there."