Goddamn Tragedy

IV

"So, Clarke. How's Yale?"

She dropped her fork from its journey toward her mouth as she turned her attention toward Henry Collins. She sat up straighter and glanced at her mother before turning her attention back toward the awaiting grey eyes before her. "It's pretty good. Cold."

The table laughed in response. Not the kind that made your insides inflate with warmth but the kind that made you feel hollow and empty.

"Clarke made the Dean's List." Her mother said with a wide smile. She tried to muster up her own smile but it failed. Not that it really mattered to these people. Every Tuesday she would have brunch with her mother and the Collins family at The Ark (it was just her luck that Finn Collin's father was her mother's close friend). And even though she had been gone for almost a year, her summer break was quickly falling back into a routine.

Henry nodded his head with a large smile. "And I hear that you're following in your mother's footsteps."

She stared at him blankly.

Her mother cleared her throat and jabbed her softly in the side. "Majoring in Pre-Med, Clarke."

Her eyes grew wide. Sure, she took the prerequisites for the medical career path, but she hadn't fully confirmed that she was going in that direction. Helping people had always been a passion of hers but she hadn't officially signed off her life for the next eight years.

She wondered if her mother ever heard her when she talked. She wondered if anyone heard her when she talked. She nodded her head anyway because she didn't want to add to anything. The feeling of claustrophobia was starting to overwhelm her again, just like it had when she had come to dinner with Finn and a few of his friends last Friday.

"What do you think you want to specialize in, Clarke?"

She hadn't thought about that much either. She just wanted to help people and care for them. She started to muster up something but her mother cut in, like usual.

"General Surgery." Her mother said proudly as she cut into her frittata.

The table started another conversation and she felt it all fade away. She stared at her water glass as she listened to her mother laugh about Finn's stories from NYU and Caroline Collins mishap of trying to understand the New York Subway system.

She only looked up when the dining room door opened and Bellamy appeared in his black tux.

She wondered what caused the large bruise on his face. It had to have happened after he had dropped her off.

She watched as he filled up another table's water glasses with such ease. He moved between seats and no one looked at him or thanked him for doing so.

It was as if he wasn't even there.

How could they have not noticed him? Besides the harsh bruise on his face, he was extraordinary. His dark complexion looked so well against the darkness of his tux jacket. His hair was ruffled slightly but not in a way that looked lazy. What got to her most was his dimpled chin.

She watched his sleeve get pushed back as he refilled another water glass. She sat up straighter when she saw the watch she had given him sparkle in her direction. The dark leather and crisp white face of it staring back at her.

She wasn't sure what even came over her when she found the watch in her father's closed off office. It was a watch he hardly wore, unlike the one she had in her own bedroom. It was still in a gift-wrapped box with a small handwritten note from Thelonious Jaha.

She thought about the quiet ride back to her house with Bellamy and how the watch he had around his left wrist was so badly cracked and falling apart at the seams.