Goddamn Tragedy

VII

He was fucking up already.

"Do you want me to take you home?"

She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear before folding her hands back into her lap. She waited a bit before answering and he watched the brief conflict wash over her face before she shook her head.

He nodded and felt his pulse rise as he slowly shut her door. He made his way toward the driver's side and slid into his seat. He could hear her breathing and he could feel his own pulse rushing. This never happened before when he took a girl home. But this wasn't just some ordinary girl. This was the girl he felt so conflicted over. This was the girl that made him feel things that didn't make sense. This was a girl that seemed to brighten entire constellations that floated in the sky.

He started the car and then reached for her hand, weaving it through his own. Anchoring himself so he wouldn't float away.

It was strange how one person could confuse the hell out of him but make him feel completely still at the same time. He gripped her hand and brought it into his lap as he drove them toward his apartment.

He didn't even pay attention to the roads as he drove. All he could focus on was the soft humming she did as she sang along to some song on the radio and how her thumb rubbed patterns against his hand.

Once his apartment came into view and her hand fell from his, all the nerves rushed back into him. He never got nervous. Not about things like this. Not about girls. Not about anything.

It was like he was having an out of body experience.

He held her hand tightly as he walked her up to his apartment. It was dark when he entered the small space and as he flickered on the light, he saw Octavia's curly handwriting on the table, saying she was out at the movies with Jasper and Monty.

He placed the note back onto the table and didn't look behind him as he pulled Clarke to his bedroom. His heart was in his ears.

When he turned his light on and faced her, her face seemed to mirror what his mind what trying to comprehend. He watched her gulp as she glanced at his made bed before looking at him. She didn't have to say anything after that. He knew without asking that she hadn't done anything like this before. He let out a sigh of relief, even though he didn't know what for.

He rubbed the back of his neck. "We don't-." He watched her face. "don't have to do anything, alright?" He thought about the feeling of her lips on his. "We can just sleep."

She nodded and crossed her arms. "I've-I." Her face flushed.

He shook his head and smiled lightly at her. He brought his hand to her face and rubbed her cheek. "It's alright." She nodded and he dropped his hand before he turned toward his dresser. He pulled out a long sleeved blue shirt and a pair of sweatpants. He held them up toward her before throwing them in her direction. Whatever they were feeling moments ago fleeted as she giggled softly and grasped the clothes in her hands. He reached for a pair of sweatpants for himself as he nodded toward his door. "I'll let you change."

"Alright."

He moved around her and then down the hall toward the bathroom. He closed the door and moved toward the sink. He gripped the cheap porcelain beneath his fingers and rested his head against the medicine cabinet. He had no idea what he was doing. He wasn't like this. He wasn't the good guy.

He thought of her laughter. He thought of her lips.

He groaned as he hit his head against the mirror before he quickly changed. He pulled a navy shirt off the back of the bathroom door (he would have gone without one but he didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable). He shut the light off in the bathroom and slowly padded toward his own room. He knocked and waited for her to tell him it was okay to come in.