Weightless (lashton au)

Chapter thirteen

I rolled my eyes. I could practically feel Luke pouting at me as he opened his arms for me,

"C'mere, what kind of people don't cuddle while watching a movie?" I giggled, moving into his open arms. Luke wrapped his arms around my middle, and I temporarily tensed up. I didn't want him to feel how fat and gross I really was, and he seemed to notice my discomfort as his arms simply lifted from my stomach and his hands rested on my hips instead.

"Ashton?" Luke tried to look at me but I moved my head, and I knew I had fucked up again and this was supposed to be fun, but my stupid insecurities had to ruin everything.

I took a shaky intake of breath, and I didn't want Luke to worry about me for once. So I grabbed his arms from my hips and rested them back down on my stomach, ignoring my bad thoughts.

Luke pressed a soothing kiss to my temple, "Okay?" He whispered, looking down at me. I felt so cliché and my cheeks were warm, but I smiled and mumbled back,

"Okay." We both laughed at how we quoted that book almost everyday, and it was becoming a bit saddening.

And finally after we got settled, Luke pressed play.
------------------------------------------

"There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and .112 and an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I'm likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful."

And that's where I lost it.

But I didn't want Luke to know I was crying, so I harshly bit my lip and held my breath, willing for the tears filling up in my eyes to just go away.

Fuck, I wasn't the only one crying because in the movie Hazel was crying, Gus was crying, I bet Isaac was crying and the whole female population while watching this movie was definitely crying, but...Luke wasn't. At all. And that made this all more embarrassing for me.

"You're shaking." Luke suddenly whispered, holding my tighter. "Is everything alright?" I failed at sniffling quietly as I felt like I was going to explode from holding in the tears for so long. And I felt so stupid and girly and weak for crying.

"No, no I'm fine, I'm fine I'm okay, Luke. I'm..." I put a hand over my mouth as tears streamed down my cheeks. "This m-movie is fucking sad even though I r-read the book, I-"

Luke quickly paused the movie and tried to get me to turn around so he could look at me, but I shook my head.

"N-no, oh god this is so embarrassing and you had to pause the movie just because of me and I-" I was trembling and my voice was shaky and emotional and tears continued to roll down my cheeks and I hated it. I knew this would happen and I hated it.

"Baby," Luke cooed, resting his chin on my shoulder. "It's okay, I'm not judging you and I told you I wouldn't, remember? Just - look at me, please?" I huffed, but internally I felt a whole damn zoo erupt in my stomach, he called me baby and Luke was so sweet and fuck, this movie made me almost as emotional as a girl on her period.

I could already feel the initial emotions and tears fade away a bit but I still felt choked up. I turned around in Luke's lap, awkwardly avoiding his gaze as he finally looked at me.

Luke reached up and stroked my cheek with his thumb, "I didn't think you'd actually cry, I thought you were only joking around." He teased me gently, hiding his smirk.

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, whatever. Don't say I didn't warn you, though." Luke continued to stare at me fondly, and I thought I'd be use to this but I just wasn't because Luke's gentle touch and sweet words weren't meant for people like me.

"Should we, uh...watch the rest of the movie now?" Luke's voice trailed off as his gaze flicked down towards my lips.

"S-sure. Yeah, okay. Yeah." I stuttered.

"Yeah?" Luke breathed, and I suddenly realized our lips were closer than they were a few seconds ago.

"Y-yeah." I had no idea what to say and I felt so warm and actually safe here with Luke, who was even closer than before and finally

He leaned in and closed the gap between us, capturing my lips in his. But this time, it was sweeter and slower then when I first got here. It made my heart skip a beat and I shivered slightly, and it meant so much more than any other kiss I have ever shared with anyone. It meant something, our lips simply touching and moving with each other, and his hand was on my cheek while my fingers were entangled in his hair.

"I love you. Dammit, Ashton, I am in love with you." Luke mumbled against my lips, gripping my hips to keep me steady. I could feel Luke's warm breath on my lips and it was so intoxicating and I still hadn't processed what he had just said.

Suddenly, my breath caught in my throat and I was feeling so many emotions at the same time and Luke looked so endearingly nervous as he waited for me to say something.

But I just laughed, shaking my head as I whispered, "I love you too, god dammit. Is it not obvious enough? I love you, I love you, I love you-" In a frenzy of happiness, Luke cut me off and began pressing kisses all over my face, murmuring things like, "I love you" and "you're so perfect."

And in the end, The Fault in Our Stars movie was long forgotten as Luke still took advantage of the fact that he could kiss me as much as we wanted that night.

But, honestly, I would let him kiss me any time, day, place or location.

I loved him.

And it scared me. It scared me that I now cared so much for a living person, it made my thoughts of dying go away. I wanted to stay now, Luke made me want to stay.

But, without Luke, I was nothing and I knew I couldn't go on living without him if he left me.
----------------------------------------------

I was thinking of putting the song Terrible Things by Mayday Parade at the top but I didn't, since I'm just gonna save that song for a sadder chapter...

And yeah I didn't actually cry while watching tfios wow I have no soul

ALSO ASHTONS THIGHS R SO CUTE?? ok that's weird of me bye ~Hannah