FADED (book I)

XXXII

Elvis, being the dog that could sense every human emotion, snuggled deeper into my chest.

"Marion," my voice quavering. "Do you think it's wrong to keep secrets?"

She gently pulled away, enough to catch my eye, and ran her soft knuckles against my cheek. "We all have stories we won't ever tell. That doesn't mean it's wrong, but only when you know in your heart it's the right thing to do."

"But what if it's not the right thing? What if you could hurt someone by not being honest?"

"You're confusing secrets with lies my child. Which one is it?"

My eyes trailed downcast to Elvis as I stroked his fur in thought. Which one was it? I realized I never asked myself that question. My brothers never lied to me, they never told me the entire truth but they never fed me lies. They could've easily done it to put an end to my endless questions but they didn't. They didn't hand me wrong information by telling me lies but withheld the truth instead. I didn't know if that was supposed to make me feel better or not.

"Secrets are made to be found out with time," Marion spoke up, running her fingers through my hair. "It's better to know and be disappointed, than to never know and always wonder."

"They said they did it because they wanted to protect me," I sniffed.

"And you don't believe it?" she gave me a look as if to tell me I should know better. "Listen to me, those boys love you somethin' fierce. If they thought that not telling you something was the right choice then you're gonna have to trust their judgement. I'm sure you don't fully agree with it but you're still a child at heart, hun - and I don't mean that in a patronizing way. Something in me tells me that those brothers of yours know a thing or two about the monsters lurking in the dark and I'm not talking about the ones hiding under your bed, I'm talking about the real ones, the ones that look like people."

I took a shaky breath, processing her wise words. "You're saying I should forgive them?"

"Why do you think you should?"

I scratched Elvis behind his ears and sighed. "I lied to them ... might've kept some secrets from them too." My dad ...

"Does it hurt? Knowing they did the same to you?"

I chewed on my bottom lip and nodded.

"Then you deserve forgiveness too." She tucked some hair behind my ear, her thumb lingering on my newly pierced ear. "I'm sure it was never their intention but when you love someone you protect them from the pain, you don't cause it."

I settled into her arms and let out a tired breath. I understood what she was trying to tell me - we both thought we did the right thing, we both had our own justification. They kept a secret because they loved me too much to see me getting hurt. And I did the same to give them a taste of their own medicine, because I felt like I knew what I was doing, like I had everything under control but I couldn't have been more wrong.

My brothers knew me like the back of their hands - according to them I wasn't strong enough to face the truth so they did the only logical thing they thought was right. But surely they must've been smart enough to know that secrets were just a temporary delay to the inevitable.

"Truth hurts, doesn't it?" I mumbled.

"Like a thorn," she said, rubbing a wrinkled hand along my arm. "But in the end it blossoms like a rose."

FADED

After the little morning visit to Marion, I hurried back home to get ready for school. I wrestled my feet from my sneakers using the toe-to-heel method, because bending down to untie them was too much effort.