i'm sorry | ethan dolan

where's my invite

chapter forty nine
——mackenzie's pov
march 3rd, 2020

"you girls look so beautiful!"

my mother took a step back to admire as quinn and i stared at our reflections in the wall of mirrors in front of us. i had to say, for some bridesmaids' dresses, these were not half bad. my mother had chosen basic, black, satin, strapless, tea length dresses with a slim waist and an a-line skirt. there was no lace, no sequins, no tulle, nothing. quinn looked pretty and slim, and i looked tall and sophisticated. it was a definite win win.

"are you sure you want black?" quinn asked, turning to the side. "it's kind of depressing for a wedding."
"i'm going to brighten them up with some funky jewelry and maybe have you wear jewel toned shoes," my mother explained, reaching over to fluff my skirt.
quinn frowned thoughtfully. "that could work."
"of course it's gonna work," i said, kind of nastily, i'll admit. "it's her wedding day. anything she says will work."
my mother shot me an admonishing look as quinn raised her hands. "okay, okay. sorry!"

quinn walked over to a pink velvet chair in the corner, sat down, and pulled out her phone. probably texting someone about what an ass her soon to be stepsister was. maybe even hammond. in a disturbing new and somehow incestuous feeling twist, the two of them were now officially a couple. he'd sent her two dozen red carnations in the valentine's day flower sale fundraiser, and she'd spent the rest of the day telling everyone who would listen that she now had a senior boyfriend. last night i'd caught them making out on the couch in the living room and i'd almost lost my dinner.
things really do change.

"honey?" my mom asked, smoothing my hair. "are you okay?"
"why does everyone keep asking me that?" i asked, heading to another pink chair on the opposite side of the huge dressing room. when i dropped down, the skirt poofed up against the armrests like a black cloud. classical violin music played through the speakers overhead, and the whole room smelled of lilacs and roses. i wondered if the people who worked here ever felt like they were going to overdose on romance. "i'm fine, okay? i broke up with him. and it was, like, a month ago already."

actually, it had been three weeks and one day. an extremely torturous three weeks and one day. three weeks and a day of ethan walking past me in the halls without so much as a glance. of watching him flirt with every single underclassman blessed with two freaking x chromosomes. a month of second guessing myself, of thinking he looked happier without me, of wondering if i had somehow been the problem. a month of self consciousness. so no, i was not even close to okay. but it had been long enough that i felt like i should have been by now, so i kept pretending i was.

"i have an idea," my mother said, perching on a stool next to the chair. "how about tonight you and i go out to dinner? just the two of us?"
"really?" i said, brightening slightly.
"yeah. you pick the restaurant. anywhere you want." she smiled. i smiled back. i knew she was busy with work and wedding planning and everything, so the offer meant a lot.
"thanks, mom."
"aw, sweetie." she kissed my temple and gave me a quick squeeze. "everything's gonna be okay. you'll see."

my phone rang, and the seamstress returned to the dressing room with her clip board. my mom got up and i grabbed my phone to answer it. veronica's tongue stuck out at me from the screen.

"hey," i said, smoothing my skirt out.
"don't shoot the messenger," she said.
my already tentative smile died. i sat up straight. "what?"
"the invites to the dolan's birthday party just went out," veronica said grimly. "they invited every single person in the entire senior class and half the juniors. i even got one."
i swallowed hard. "everyone except me."
"everyone except you, kylie, and tyler."

i drooped back in my chair and stared. i didn't even know what to feel. for the millionth time in the past month, my vision blurred. i picked at a string sticking out of the cushioned part of the armrest as the store's soundtrack flipped to the classic wedding march.

"i guess i'm not surprised."
"he sucks, mack. i'm going to form a protest. i'll get every norm in town to stay home."
i snorted a laugh. "like i'd do that to you." this party was like a jackpot for her. usually she had to sneak into crestie parties to do her anthropological research. now she was actually invited. besides, keeping the norms home wouldn't exactly hurt ethan. all of his close friends were cresties. in fact, with the way his brain had been working lately, i had to wonder if he'd only invited the norms to make me, kylie, and tyler feel even more left out.

as the music swelled to its crescendo overhead, i couldn't help remembering ethan's birthday last year. when he'd gotten his car and the first thing he'd done was zip right over to the orchard view condominiums to see me and we'd driven up to the country club and we'd kissed. for the first time.

"you know you did the right thing breaking up with him, right?" veronica said. "the strong thing." i had forgotten i was talking to her.
"yeah." my voice was thick. "i know."
"are you okay?" veronica asked.
"ugh. i wish people would stop asking me that," i replied, swiping one tear off my bottom lashes. mercifully, the wedding march had ended, and my mom started motioning to me to wrap it up. "i'm fine. thanks for letting me know, v, but i've gotta go. we're doing final measurements."
"cool. well, have fun."
"i will," i lied.

i hung up the phone and forced a smile onto my face as my mother and the seamstress approached with their measuring tape and pins. for the next fifteen minutes i was turned and poked and prodded and appraised, the whole time just trying as hard as i could not to burst into tears.

it's not like i expected him to invite me. neither did i for grayson. but it hurts so bad, because i miss it. i miss everything about ethan. the old ethan at least. i guess i was just going to have to remind myself that he's changed, no matter how hard it is for me.

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teaser: the party.......GUYS U ARNT RDY

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[1130 words]
-m
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